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Suicidal friend. Please pray for him
I've never posted here before so I don't know where to post a prayer request. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place.
My friend Harry (who is an Athiest) hasn't had the easiest life. He's had problems with alcohol and drugs since a young age. His parents are divorced, and he lives with his father who he says is rarely sober.
He recently became severely depressed after his girlfriend (the only thing that made him happy) broke up with him. He believes everything is pointless and that he is nothing without her. He doesn't think he has any worth and feels so alone and thinks he has no one.
All he wants in life is love. I spent an hour trying to talk him out of killing himself yesterday. I don't know what to do/say anymore. Nothing I say seems to get through to him. He keeps avoiding getting counseling because he believes nothing will help him so what's the point?
He's at the point of not caring anymore.
I keep praying God will help him, but he just seems to keep getting worse. Please pray for him.
He's 21 btw.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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This is as good a place as any to post this. You have my prayers not only for the strength in knowing what to say to your friend but also for your friend that he would turn to his only answer - our Savior. Be strong in the Lord.
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Permalink Reply by Moose & Squirrel on
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Thank you, it means alot.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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Bless your heart. I'll be praying for him and for you, as you seek to comfort and encourage and help him.
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Thank you.
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I know it's stirring up your emotions to see your friend in distress. You also need someone to talk to about your feelings. I pray there's a trusted friend, pastor, or teacher to whom you may turn in addition to posting this discussion. Keep encouraging him to get help. Offer to go to the appointment with him. He probably really doesn't believe he can be helped. Stay in touch with him and check on him. Keep telling him he isn't crazy and that help is there for him. If he is using alcohol and drugs, much of what you say to him isn't talking to him but talking to the addictions. Are there more people you can get around him? Try to get some more friends around him who can tell him they are concerned and they care and that he needs help. Depression and addiction have taken over his reasoning and, as if that isn't bad enough, he isn't a believer. He needs you and some others who will show their love and concern. Don't break contact.
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He lives in the UK and I live in Michigan, so I can't do anything like go to an appointment with him. He doesn't have any friends (besides me). His dad is probably passed out drunk most of the time, and his mom only calls him but he ignores her calls. The only person I can contact is his ex girlfriend and I tried but she seems to rarely go on FB.
I haven't broken contact with him, but I honestly don't know what to say/do anymore other than telling him I care and that i'm here for him. I try to encourage him but he just responds with "I'm done okay" "I can't handle this" etc.
Like I've said, nothing I say seems to get through to him. I want to believe God will help him, but I'm starting to lose hope.
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Permalink Reply by thewatchman on
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Misfit,
I love your care. But...I'm trying to speak lightly, because I know that what I will say will probably come across really bad.
If he is an atheist, and cares more about this girl that just left him...and he is feeling so devastated that he cannot live anymore....I wonder about what kind of importance he is placing upon a broken relationship? This seems to be more about himself and a broken heart. I understand you're wanting to help him, but it seems that he is kind of holding you hostage,because you want to help him. Tell him the Gospel and walk away.
He is keeping you hostage by emotionalism. Most many people have dealt with various points of sin, I have, but it is not an excuse nor an alibi. Sin is prevalant in this world and we must, as people of Christ Jesus, learn to tell the Truth without fearing an altercation.
God always answers the prayers of a righteous man.
Yes, God's grace and mercy extends to this young man, but it seems that he is wanting relief from a recent seperation, rather than a seperation from God. How can the two even be compared?
J. C. Ryle wrote this:
The Christianity which is from the Holy Spirit will always have a very deep view of the sinfulness of sin. It will not merely regard sin as a blemish and misfortune, which makes men and women objects of pity, and compassion. It will see in sin the abominable thing which God hates, the thing which makes people guilty and lost in his Maker’s sight, the thing which deserves God’s wrath and condemnation. It will look on sin as the cause of all sorrow and unhappiness, of strife and wars, of quarrels and contentions, of sickness and death – the curse which cursed God’s beautiful creation, the cursed thing which makes the whole earth groan and struggle in pain. Above all, it will see in sin the thing which will ruin us eternally, unless we can find a ransom, – lead us captive, except we can get its chains broken, – and destroy our happiness, both here and hereafter, except we fight against it, even unto death.
~ J.C. Ryle
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Judas remained among the twelve for three years and Jesus never walked away from him although Judas plainly was an unbeliever. May God widen the hearts of us all, especially for the lost and hurting because not all of them are like Judas.
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Permalink Reply by Mischelle on
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Amen Amanda. We all need to remember our own walk with the Lord and how there were times when we would wonder if Jesus had walked away from us. I am so grateful that Jesus has never walked away from me, even though I have walked away from Him so many times in my life. Each one of us may be the only Jesus people will see in their lives. Do we want to leave the impression that all we have to do is give them the Gospel and walk away from them? I know I don't want to do that. Just because he is an atheist does not mean that we are not to show him the love of Christ!
Amanda, you make an excellent point with Judas, he was not just an unbeliever, he betrayed Christ. With Jesus being God incarnate, does anyone believe that He was unaware of who His betrayer would be? I know I don't believe that.
Jesus called each of us to be fisher's of men. I don't know about any of you, but as for me I have never caught a fish that was scaled, beheaded, and gutted. Are we not to be there for those who need us most? Jesus said He did not come for those who were not in need of a physician but for those who were.
Misfit, if I were you, I would not give up on Harry unless the Lord releases you. I realize this is taxing on you. I encourage you to stay in the Word and pray asking the Lord to lead and guide you as to what He would have you to say to Harry.
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When I read the four gospels, I can't find any verses where Jesus differentiated in treatment or love between Judas and the other eleven. Jesus even washed the feet of Judas while saying all of them were clean except one, and, yes, Jesus knew who was the one. God is kind to the unjust, the lost. There are only believers and unbelievers, as I understand it. We were all born lost and spiritually dead, needing to be found. We who have been found are part of helping Christ seek the lost, aren't we? God does good things for the evil as well as for the good, and we are to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect.
Matthew 5:43-48
English Standard Version (ESV)
Love Your Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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There is wisdom in what you have said Watchman. This is where discernment comes in. Sometimes people just want to complain, wallow, be ungrateful etc... In other words, they don't want to be helped. They drain people emotionally, which actually causes them to wallow even further, and drags others down.. Does he want to be helped? OR Does he want to wallow? I don't know. While we may physically remove ourselves, we never stop praying. At some point it may be appropriate to ask him if he wants things to improve, or does he enjoy where he is presently? If he does want things to improve, or he says he does, a great place to start is by being grateful for all that he does have. If he can manage to start there in that place, then it is a process towards his heart softening. One of my favourite quotes which I tell my kids all the time is this..."If you are not willing to learn no one can help you, If you are determined to learn no one can stop you"... I'm sure proverbs has something to say about this.
It seems to me that a suicidal spirit is somewhat unteachable. They feel like they have no more to learn, nothing more to accomplish, and no purpose. This is rooted in pride. While we are here we have much more to learn, many things to accomplish, and a purpose... all which are rooted in who God is and what He has us here for. Knowing that we all have more to learn and more to do is of course coupled with keeping an honest estimation of ourselves and our talents and abilities... which is rooted in humility.
What is being teachable?
1. Openness to other people. This has all kinds of practical benefits as far as Christian service is concerned.
2. Self-acceptance and a desire to grow personally and spiritually, and to do this in relationships with other people.
3. An inquisitive mind that can sort, process, and integrate.
4. An appreciation of the nature of Scripture and God’s wisdom.
5. An uncloistered life that builds relationships.
6. An understanding of growth processes.
7. A willingness to pursue a goal of value and a desire to change.
God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble.
Blessings, Carla
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I agree with the way you've stated this and that discernment and wisdom is key. We know that faith comes by hearing and what needs to be heard is the message of faith and we know God opens doors to us to proclaim that message. I see signs here in this young man of doors that are open. One is that he is reaching out to someone which means he doesn't really want to die. Another sign is that there is so much wrong in his life that I wonder is God breaking him? I believe it's OK to walk with someone for as long as God leads and I also believe it's OK to end relationships and even to release relationships totally. I've done that myself. What an unbeliever needs is supernatural enlightenment that brings the change of mind, the needed repentance. I just think of Saint Paul a great deal. I know there were times he stuck it out with the same group of people, or person, such as Festus, and let the person walk away instead or send him away. Each of us will likely differ a little in the way we look at these sorts of dynamics concerning people, depending on our own life experiences and backgrounds. Some people who are believers are tempted by suicide. Others may never feel that temptation but struggle with another kind. Those in the world who are without God, indeed are without hope, and are wide open for all sorts of temptation and sin. Perhaps what is important is when we see signs of change in someone. If there's no signs of change, then dust your feet off from them. It's important though to remember that anytime someone moves forward, moving backward a bit, or reverting at times, will happen until the person becomes established and grounded. It can take time for those roots to grow.
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