All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is) - Joshua Harris
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Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on
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Hi Ella!
Oh yes, I have read it! I got a copy when it first came out in 97'. So glad to hear you say that you are finding it powerful and helpful. Have you seen any of my posts where I have recommended this book on the site about a dozen times now? Next to the Bible, this is one of the best books I have ever read, because the subject matter is so critical to a blessed life in Christ. People grow up becoming educated on just about everything imaginable except the one topic that affects us all the most - a true relationship with God either through singleness or marriage. Almost everyone with few exceptions has a Hollywood concept of the decisions we must make as we grow up into adulthood and develop opposite sex relationships. We think Cupid is going to zap us one day and that's all the effort we put into this spiritually essential transformation of our lives. Josh's book explains it much better than I can so I won't get into the whole thing. The way I came across it in the first place was that I was searching for knowledge and truth in this area. After prayer and seeking God, He revealed the exact message of this book to me. It was very opposite of the way most people approach this subject. I was beyond joyful to have finally found this all-important answer for my life that served to put me in the center of God's will and know peace each day. I went to our local Christian bookstore one day and Josh's book jumped off the shelf at me. I knew this was the Holy Spirit telling me to get this book. I was never so blessed in my life when I began to read it and found that the message given to Josh was the exact same message God had already given me. And Josh wrote the book beautifully. I thought at the time, if I never in my life experienced the godly marriage of my dreams, or if it was God's will for me to remain single and never marry, I would at least be so blessed for having learned the truth. There is nothing more satisfying then to walk in God's truth. It sets us free to live the best possible life. Well, ever since I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I have made it a point to tell everyone I can about it, especially those who are presently in a wrong dating relationship, engaged or about to be married. The Spirit has me ask them a leading question, a question that can literally save their life if they heed it. I simply ask, "How do you know you are with the right person or getting ready to marry the right person?". They usually stop dead in their tracks and give a lame answer like, " Oh we love each other, oh he's so cute, or so nice or so this or that to me, "But have you ever thought of consulting God as to whether this is the right person for you?" You know I speak to them along these lines. I let them know how awful the divorce rate is both outside and inside the Church. I remember the last person I encountered was someone who was peeling corn on the cob opposite me in the food store when the summer's corn came in for the season. She mentioned she was engaged to be married. When I went through my little talk with her, she stopped dead in her tracks from peeling her corn and said, "That sounds like a book I need to read!" God brings people like her across my path all the time, because He knows I am going to speak up for Him. It would bring me the greatest joy if I found out that my witness spared someone from a wrong relationship that lead to misery and divorce. It is very sad that people, especially Christians, are so asleep in this area that some young woman or man could be going out with a serial killer and they wouldn't warn them, because they think it's none of their business. I thought we were supposed to be our brother's keeper??? Society is wacked if you ask me with those who should know better, God's elite, being in the same rut as the world. Remember, like the Christian singer, Keith Green, so often said, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonalds makes you a Big Mac!" Oh the pain and suffering that follows when people have no role models, when even the Church fails to teach the truth. Truth is always available to those who seek it, but my has the Church been remiss on this topic. Not blaming the Church- we all, as believers, need to open our eyes and Josh's book is quite an eye opener. I remember when I read it that I didn't agree with every, single thing, but overall I totally agreed with the basic message. No book is perfect except the Bible, but this book was a total delight to read. He subsequently came out with a sequel when God brought his wife to him. And he has made a number of videos and CD teachings of other couples who also found their way to God's truth through waiting on God, not rushing their time of singleness and allowing God to bring the right person to them. Either that or they came to an acceptance that God wanted some to remain single. The testimonies are so heartwarming of how God will move Heaven and earth to bless those who are listening to Him. I would love to hear your fresh concepts of the book since it has been many years ago that I read it. I was surprised when so few in this community said they knew of it- I would of thought that every believer had read it by now.
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Permalink Reply by Ella on
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Oh Jane I am so happy to read your comment here! and I was surprised to know that the book first came in 97' what a long time that was for me..(hehe) I haven't seen your post where you recommend the book, actually I hardly surf the Internet these past weeks, my church mate recommended the book and yeah I also read "I Kissed dating Goodbye", and right after I finished the book, I ended my 2 year relationship with my boyfriend, but now he wants to get married with me and which I am not so sure..I thank God I encountered this book, I'm still at part 2, haven't finished it yet! I guess I want to not end it so soon. Yes, it is powerful as what God intends it to be. Actually, at our church this topic is greatly emphasized especially about the true meaning of MARRIAGE, we will build our family so we can expand the kingdom of God/for His greater glory. So therefore, we must marry a true believer of Christ which I am somehow guilty of this. I have someone in life and he wants me to be his wife, he is a Christian but our level of faith is not the same, if you know what I mean when I say "level". I so agree with you that we need to have an intimate relationship with God either through singleness or marriage and I think that really matters, as you say that you were beyond joyful to have finally found this all-important answer for your life that served to put you in the center of God's will and know peace each day ( I would like to have that too!) I'm just thankful of His grace He is showing me everyday but can't avoid that there will always be some conflicts around..I just want to let you know that I am so blessed reading your testimony..please pray for me sister and I will share to you my concept after I read this book or even while I'm still on it..thank you so much sister! God bless you always. Love, Ella
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Dear Ella,
Oh I see now, you are reading Josh's subsequent book. I thought your subject line referred to his first book that started it all, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I have not read the new book only the first one., but glad to hear you read the Dating Goodbye book too. This is what I want to say to you. I can tell from everything you are saying that you are missing puzzle pieces. Even though you have received God's truth from this book, you could easily waver, because you are not strong enough in the Lord yet and still need to know more in order to put it all together. I would tell you to please be patient. I know its hard, but try not to be like other girls who get tired of waiting and accept the first guy who comes along or the current one they are dating, feel pressured and miss God's will entirely. Because remember, we should not be dating, we should be courting - it is a whole different process that serves to bring you into God's will for marriage, and if you read the numerous examples in Kissed Dating Goodbye, you know you have to be able to hear God's voice before you can even make a decision who to marry for life. I would be glad to help answer any question you have about what it takes to get prepared for this process and how to learn to hear God's voice so you do not get ahead of yourself. What have you learned at your church since you say they teach the right concepts for preparing for a godly marriage? Or do they fully??? Who at your church can you counsel with if anyone? If his level of faith is not where yours is at that presents a definite problem. First you have to establish if he is a true believer. Sadly, many if not most men lie about that. On the other hand, he could be the right man for you from God, so don't make the mistake that most girls do of rushing into it. The only way you can know if he is from God for you is through the steps Josh advises in his book. He could be the right person, but it just might be the wrong time. I think that happens to a lot of people. So don't make the mistake that so many others have made of rushing ahead of God. If you are patient, He will let you know in due time if you are in His will. My counsel to anyone wanting to know if they should get married or not is to live out their singleness until they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has brought the right person into their life. Unless one has spent enough time getting to know God until they can actually hear His voice, it is too premature to even consider a relationship. Very many are the girls and guys who are lead by emotions not God. One can get married and might be married for years before accepting that they didn't listen to God in the first place for the right spouse. There is no greater regret than waking up to reality and realizing one day that one's marriage never was in God's will, thus is a lie. I think most know it deep down, but by then its too late and they have to accept that they settled for less than God's best. For others its a nightmare, because the relationship turns out to be abusive. Most naively think this will never happen to me- its only something that happens to others. The devil will tell girls and guys every lie in the book in order to hook them up with the wrong person. He doesnt want them to be in God's will as he wants them ineffective for the Kingdom of God. When one sees all their friends getting married it puts a lot of pressure on one to hurry up and get married too. So, there is much more I could say Ella, but now is the time to develop your relationship with God better and work at becoming more discerning. If you want to be in God's will, keep reaching out for spiritual knowledge and He will not fail you. I have heard one story after another of couples who listened to God and are blessed. And I have heard of stories of people who remained single yet do not feel lonely one bit. There is nothing that takes the place of being in God's will! I am just as excited as you that you read Josh's first book. I think David V. said he read it in another thread, but other then that I don't know of anyone else I've met on the net who has. I just know of testimonies of those who have through the book. I will be glad to keep you in my prayers. Come back and tell me what you are learning!
Love in Jesus,
Jane
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Permalink Reply by Ricprimus on
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That is a lifelong problem that has often been an agony for me. I have long believed that "It is not good for man to be alone" implied that there was an implied promise that God had created that One Woman just for me to be companion, advisor, partner, confessor, lover, wife and mother of my children, and that I was ordained to keep myself sanctified and chaste even as I kept myself open to her presence. Yet in the journey of my life, I have willingly defiled myself to pleasures of the flesh alternating with even longer periods of atonement with celibacy. Perhaps it is a serious character flaw, a weakness of the flesh, or far worse, a weakness of spirit, that I look back along the course of my life, and realize the many faces and bodies, let alone names, of those I knew lust with. It is a personal grief to know that what should be most sacred between a man and a woman, I have been the greatest of failures.
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Oh brother..thanks for sharing your story with us..yeah, we are all sinners, committed so many sins, things that we know wrong but still do it. What I've learned is we are weak and imperfect but God made us pure and perfect. What I would want to say is we must never give up for our Father in heaven does not give up. You know that new day brings new chances, and so long as we still wake up, God never gives up. He promises us with His grace and showers His love. For us, all we need is to renew our minds that leads to repentance. We strong in Christ! Let us just hold on to His promises.
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Of course sex is not a problem, God created it!
Wasn't His 1st commandment to mankind to "Go forth and multiply"? That in itself should suffice for any believer to be at peace when it comes to the sacredness of sex between a man and a woman.
The problem is that these days people have sex outside of marriage for the sole purpose of their personal pleasure or satisfaction, be it a man with a woman, or another man, etc... Now, that's not Godly at all!
The main purpose of sex is procreation but it is NOT the only one. Sex was also made so that men and women may become phisically ONE as they are meant to be spiritually one in marriage.
I didn't read the book you mention in your question, but frankly, I do not need any book other than a bible to conclude that sex is sacred and should be honoured as such. Sex in marriage has nothing to do with Lust, Pornography, adultery, and all other sins of the flesh. It is the wickdeness of men that tend to mix these things with sacramental sex.
Peace,
Yael
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