Rejection is not easy

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Permalink Reply by Mary O on May 18, 2012 at 11:17am

Hi Michelle, God bless!

Is it because of your faith in Jesus Christ? What kind of events? Is it graduation? A wedding? Thanksgiving?

Love,

Mary

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on May 18, 2012 at 3:13pm

Michelle,

 

For what it is worth I would go and be absolute sure that I was not a issue. I would show much grace no matter what others had to say. This is a moment that will be looked back on and an opportunity that you really don't want to miss. Yes, it will be hard, but in the long run love and grace will win the day as Christ works through you, even if that day is years down the road.

 

That is my opinion.

 

Lord Bless,

LT

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Permalink Reply by Amanda on May 18, 2012 at 4:05pm

Michelle,

On April 28th I attended the wedding of my 21-year-old step-daughter. It was so hard for me. Depression makes me not want to go anywhere … and I had to force myself to go. There are family rifts. I knew I would have to smile and look very happy and somehow endure and get through the event. I knew I couldn’t do it in my own strength.

I just dreaded going to the wedding and seeing people who have a strong dislike for me but who had the right to be there, too, in spite of what has happened between them and me.

I thought maybe the Lord has some healing in mind ...

I was really freaking out and afraid and had lots of anxiety about it. I almost didn’t go but then I decided that I was going to try to look at it like it is her special day and not about me. I knew it would ruin her day if someone got into a spat with me or made a scene.

But it all went very well and there was no drama. The seating arrangements were awkward and the possibility of drama was very high--the groom’s parents are separated and are pretty bitter with each other; my husband had to sit next to his daughter’s step dad and his ex-wife; my husband’s dad and step mom were seated right next to my husband’s mother--his step mom and mother are not exactly on speaking terms.

Alex wanted parents and grandparents to be seated together in the front of the church. She said she didn’t want them to be “all over the church” and not “know where everyone was” while she was being escorted down the aisle. She wanted them "in view" and she wanted them to have a "good view" of DJ and her saying their vows to each other. So those two pews were reserved, and, after all the other guests had arrived and were seated, the ceremony began with the seating of the grandparents and parents by ushers on either the bride’s side or the groom’s.

I had to be escorted down the aisle by an usher in front of all of those people to the very front of the church.

I have never had my picture taken so much in my life--pictures before the wedding and after the wedding. The photographer said she had taken 650 photos by the time the wedding and reception had ended.

But, you know, everyone was very gracious … and able to forget all of their differences ... even if just for a little while.

I must admit that I haven’t exactly been on speaking terms with a few of my in-laws who were there. It was very difficult and nothing has changed in that situation … except with my mother-in-law. She initiated a hug, and it is the first time she has ever hugged me ... actually, it’s the only time she has ever even attempted to hug me … and I have known her for 17 years.
My heart is open to the reconciliation and yet … I am still afraid and I have not heard from her since the wedding either. So I guess it didn’t really make a difference.

There were about a hundred people in attendance. It was a struggle for me and I know I could not have attended the wedding and reception in my own strength. The Lord was helping me. I did smile and at one point, during picture-taking, I was standing next to Alex under the arch, and she grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer and said, “Get closer, Amanda! You’re part of this family, too! Put your arm around me!” I was trying not to step on the length of the train of her dress. Everyone laughed. Not at me … I hope.

While I was there, I listened to others talking at both the rehearsal and then the next day at the wedding and the reception afterwards, and I observed that many others who were there also had the same kind of uneasiness. It’s difficult to please people. All attempts to people-please are in vain. Sometimes it is difficult to move beyond insults and slights. Ties get severed. There can be deep rifts between family members. It’s never a good thing … and sometimes you pay a high price for refusing to conform ... but there’s no sense in pretending, and I just can’t meet their standards. So I stopped trying. But the ones with whom I have severed ties--they don’t meet mine either.

You left the church because you found they were erring from truth. So maybe they feel rejected, too but sometimes we have to separate from others. I know it hurts.

But I would tell you to go and allow God to be your strength and you will want to be in the pictures and you will want to have these memories. I was happy that I went and now I have the memories of it to share with my family and the Lord was watching over me and miraculously everyone had the mindset that no one was going to ruin Alex's wedding. She definitely was the star and the wedding was very beautiful. The Lord gave me the strength to do what I needed to do. That was beautiful, too.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda on May 20, 2012 at 8:42am

I am sure healing is on its way. I know that over the years, for Alex and me, there were many hard times and struggles. Being a step parent is very difficult. She was four when she came into my life. Today, she is my best defender in my family of in-laws on her dad's side. No kidding. I don't know how that happened but ... I believe in miracles all the moreso because of it. They had her very much turned against me and my ways in earlier years. I was praying for you and it makes me happy to hear God took care of you and all was well.

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Permalink Reply by Mary O on May 19, 2012 at 4:14pm

Hi Michelle, God bless!

Personal opinion, I would go to the wedding. I don't know if I'd stay past that point. I would bring a gift and a card. Being a mom too, I am on your side.

It brought back memories of my wedding. I so wanted my mom to help me pick out my wedding dress. She didn't show. Most of my mother's family was fighting and not speaking to each other so 3 people from the Hillyard family came to my wedding. I know I would have loved to have had all of them there.   

If you go, gird up your loins and smile.

Love,

Mary

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Permalink Reply by Mary O on May 19, 2012 at 11:15pm

I love you too.  Good job!   :-)

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