Prayer Request

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Permalink Reply by Albin on February 27, 2019 at 12:35am

Thanks for sharing the devotional. I can relate.

"Our weakness lies in always wanting to vindicate ourselves"
Yes, very much, that's the default position of my heart, everytime I try to Repent and it's really not giving up.

"My misgivings arise from the fact that I ransack my own person to find out how He will be able to do it"
Ya, that's the self righteousness, self reliance.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 27, 2019 at 9:14am

Albin, I went to your original post and re-read it.  I've been asking the Lord what to say to you to get through.  I have to apologize to you because I haven't been listening as well as I could have.  I'm sorry about that... it demonstrates my own frailty...  a fellow human being doing life alongside you.

In my finite understanding of what's going on, I completely trust the Lord to do what HE does so well, it's the things which no one else can do.  

A couple things stood out to me in some of the things you have said.

First of all, I want to encourage you that you will get through this.  I am confident in this because you are here asking questions, seeking to know, and distraught over where you are.  The Lord is carrying you through this even though you can't feel it, or see it or sense it... He's with you.  You would be much worse off if you didn't care.  The people I know who are not born again, even atheists (I know many in my personal life) ...they don't care about any of this stuff.  It couldn't be farther from their radar as things to be interested in.  I believe you're on the verge of a breakthrough and that's why you're wrestling through such tremendous difficulties.

The thing that stands out to me is that you are coming from the Catholic church.  God has since shown you the truth... so my question is, what is the truth?  The Catholic Church teaches that salvation must be earned through works.  I wonder if a small part of you is still holding on to that?  Nothing is free in life right?  Well... the Grace and Forgiveness of God is actually a free gift which cannot be earned, it must be received.  Romans 4:16 and Eph 2:8

Next, You have prayed that all your doubts and confusions and questions would be cleared.  Let me assure you that we all have doubts and questions and confusions.  It's human and normal to have them.  It doesn't mean a person isn't saved because they have them... it just means they're human.  Psalm 103:14:15 and Matthew 17:20.  None of us has all the answers.  He'll work in your life so that these things don't distress you, but new questions, doubts and confusions will always come up.  That's why I asked you what you know about Spiritual Warfare.  You need to be strengthened to handle these things as they come at you.  You can be sure that you will almost always be dealing with something that is supposed to test you in one way or another.

You have also prayed that your indifference would be removed.  Please let me just point out that you wouldn't be here if you were indifferent.  You are quite the opposite of indifferent.  You care very much.

You mentioned later on that God has shown you the depravity of your heart.  Welcome to the club.  I'm not trying to sound flippant about this... it's anything but.  That's part of the process for coming to Him.  It takes courage and honesty to look at the depravity of our own hearts.  It's not for the weak minded or faint of heart.  Don't give up, keep fighting through and let God bring you to the other side.  Repentance is key here.  Don't let it lead to condemnation, but let the Holy Spirit bring you to conviction.

What's the difference between condemnation and conviction?  Condemnation is from satan.  he will attempt to tear you down and keep you down...he will tell you you're worthless, unloved, never good enough..  all bad stuff.  Conviction from the Holy Spirit is much different.  The Holy Spirit will show us our sin in light of God's love.  YES we have sinned, but God's Love is much bigger and more powerful than our sin.  The Holy Spirit leads us out of the sin, it's God's love that brings us to repentance.  Spiritual Warfare is going on here.  You must learn God's character so that you will know HIS voice over the enemy.  Get to know the Holy Spirit and His Ministry, it will help you identify how HE works in our lives.

Next you gave me this quote from DL Moody "If I could only make people understand the real meaning of the words of the apostle John – God is love – I would take that single text and go up and down the world proclaiming this glorious truth. If you can convince someone that you love him, you have won his heart. If we can convince people to believe that God loves them, we would find them crowding into the kingdom of heaven. The trouble is that people think God hates them, and so they are constantly running from Him."  Let me just address this--  If people think God hates them it's because they haven't been reading the Greatest Love Story ever told.  God is for us, HE is with us, HE died and rose back to life for us.  He defeated sin and death for us.  He's even given us the Holy Spirit to dwell inside us to do what needs to be done.  No one could believe and live the life of a Christian in human strength.  What part says that God hates us?  God's character is Love.  HIS very essence is LOVE.  IT's who HE is, and everything HE does flows from that.  HE can't deny who HE is.

You're not too far to be reached.  You're not unsaveable.  You're not worse than other human beings. We're all depraved and in need of a Saviour.

Have you studied some of the people God used mightily in scripture---documented to have been some of the biggest screw ups in history.

You said that Romans 8:7 was felt deeply by you.  

What about Romans 7

21So this is the principle I have discovered: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law. 23But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with my mind I serve the law of God, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Take a close look at Romans 7:24:25 . 

"What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin."

We all need to be rescued from this body of death.  Jesus Christ is our rescue.  Let Him rescue you.

Carla

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Permalink Reply by Albin on February 28, 2019 at 2:56am

Thanks for the help.

"The Catholic Church teaches that salvation must be earned through works. I wonder if a small part of you is still holding on to that?"

Even though I was a catholic, but that doesn't have anything to do with the self righteousness, cuz I actually was not even catholic. Just like most professing Christians are not Christians, most professing Muslims are not actually Muslims, similarly, many who call themselves catholics are not even catholics.
Like, my family and relatives are Catholics, but I heard my dad say "there is nothing like salvation" and I remember my mother once saying about God - "I believe there is a higher power". They've no clue about anything, forget salvation. And so was I . I just like nicode had never heard about new birth, justification, sanctification, eternal death, etc

So, forget works salvation, I didn't even knew neither cared about salvation.
And so basically, I and my family were universalists just like all the catholics here are.

"Nothing is free in life right?"

Yes, that's a preset in the mind naturally. Like we don't feel we deserve it until we have 'done something' for it.

Sorry, I didn't answer about that spiritual warfare.
I thought you would say that it's just the devil who's trying to tell me that I'm not saved. Some people say that, like my pastor also. But then I would have had to explain the whole thing again.
But I realise that the enemy is attacking me, but I feel discouraged by the persistence of it. The enemy is very crafty and smart.

"you wouldn't be here if you were indifferent"

Actually, I do get indifferent regarding my Salvation, even after all this. I get involved in worldly matters, get concerned about vain things, like Martha. (Luke 10:41) "And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things."
I start behaving like I'm Saved, or acting like an apologetic, or something, instead of focusing on the fact that I myself am not Saved.
Like, the allegory I mentioned about the devil scaring John Bunyan that he would make him fall into spiritual sleep.


I wanted to mention one thing that I realised when I read your comment, that I was actually rebelling against God by my unbelief and that, I would retreat in unbelief, instead of going forward trusting to Lord.

When it comes to my mind to submit to God, I feel like God is asking me to do it all on my own and providing no help at all, while He didn't do that with others. While There are so many He saved by His Grace and His power.
Like, people say in their testimony "God saved me", but I feel like God is not helping me that He's asking me to Save myself kinda in disinterested way..
I read of your testimony, hope you don't mind, on your page that you wrote, about how God saved you and revealed His love to you.
I hardly listen over a testimony without hating God. I feel so jealous and angry that He saved them, and that's why I hate testimonies. Couldn't He had done that for me?
I feel how cain felt when his sacrifice was rejected. I feel dejected and betrayed. I cannot Love of God.

This all really leads to feel like He's not that interested in me, which leads to unbelief and it All always ends up in hatred against God. All that's in my heart is hatred against Him.

I literally feel like the devil is more keen to destroy me than God is to save me.

As if He just has some people in His mind to save, whom He will. To them He will give genuine Repentance and Saving Faith and provide All the Grace needed for their Salvation. Others, He doesn't care.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 28, 2019 at 5:39am

Good Morning Albin,

I feel like there's a little more hope in your spirit.  

I have a two part blog on spiritual warfare on my page.  I didn't write it.  I posted it here to equip the saints.  It's not very useful at all to tell someone the devil is attacking them but them not equip them to handle it and overcome.

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armor of God

^{10 "}Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For our struggle is not against ^[a]flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; ^16 [b]in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

^18 [c]With all prayer and petition ^[d]pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, ^[e]be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,"

Part 1:  http://www.allaboutgod.net/profiles/blogs/why-do-we-wear-god-armor-...

Part 2:  http://www.allaboutgod.net/profiles/blogs/why-do-we-wear-the-armor-...

Several years ago God gave me a vision of what He is protecting us from in the Spiritual realm.  Let me assure you, it's not a small thing.  It's overwhelming dark and potentially blinding, ...it could be all encompassing if our eyes, spirits, hearts and minds are not set on Christ.  But all of this has been overcome by Christ, and because we are IN HIM, we are also over-comers.  Victorious In Him.  Tell me what you think of the blog.

Additionally, CS Lewis has written a book --you've probably heard of it-  It's called 'The Screwtape Letters'

  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17383917-the-screwtape-letters

Here's a description of it:  A masterpiece of satire, this classic has entertained and enlightened readers the world over with its sly and ironic portrayal of human life from the vantage point of Screwtape, a senior tempter in the service of "Our Father Below." At once wildly comic, deadly serious, and strikingly original, C. S. Lewis gives us the correspondence of the worldly-wise old devil to his nephew Wormwood, a novice demon in charge of securing the damnation of an ordinary young man. The Screwtape Letters is the most engaging and humorous account of temptation—and triumph over it—ever written.

It may be an interesting helpful read.

 

Your comment "I literally feel like the devil is more keen to destroy me than God is to save me."

Let me just give a word of caution here to be careful to not make this about yourself.  It's all about Jesus, even the enemy attacks against you (us).  That's why HE's the Only ONE who can and has overcome, that's the importance of us being In Him.  The next important study after spiritual warfare is learning your identity In Christ.  We have to know who we are In Him.

Blessings, Carla

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Permalink Reply by Albin on February 28, 2019 at 7:44am

No. This Ephesians 6 passage is for those who are already Saved, and are fighting against the enemy as children of God.

That's completely not my case. I'm not in CHRIST, then what will I do with the power which is for those who are in Him.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 28, 2019 at 7:52am

Hi Albin,

Yes, you're correct.  This passage is for believers.  God's Power to overcome is only for His children.

It's available to you if you want it.

Do you believe that Jesus died for only a select number of people?  If that's your belief than maybe that's the next thing we need to address.  

John 3

¹⁶ “For God so loved the world, that He gave His ^[e]only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. ¹⁸ He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the ^[f]only begotten Son of God. ¹⁹ This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. ²⁰ For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.”

Blessings, Carla

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Permalink Reply by Albin on February 28, 2019 at 8:13am

Umm, do you mean the Calvinistic doctrine of limited atonement ?

I don't believe that Jesus died for a select few called the 'elect'.

Many people believe that. But, It's Biblical and even John Calvin on whom this Calvinism is named after, doesn't believe in that limited atonement:

https://rtkendallministries.com/calvin-and-calvinism

I believe that Jesus died for everyone.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 28, 2019 at 8:14am

Ok good to hear. 

So what’s next?  

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Permalink Reply by Albin on February 28, 2019 at 8:17am

*It's Unbiblical

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 28, 2019 at 8:23am

That’s ok. I knew what you meant. :-). 

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Permalink Reply by Albin on February 28, 2019 at 8:31am

Actually, I'm also struggling with sexual immorality.
Since I was a universalist before. I didn’t knew that I needed to be born again. God started showing me the knowledge of the Truth by degrees and so initially, I thought that all I needed to enter heaven was to leave immorality (which I still have), ‘deliverance=salvation’; and so I was seeking deliverence.
Infact, I sought deliverance so much that I made an idol out of it.
Initially when God started revealing His Truth to me, Iactually somewhat Confused 'conviction' for 'conversion'.
I was never Saved. What happened was that The Holy Spirit opened my eyes to the Truth, to the reality of things, and I get somewhat of a change of my mind, but was not Saved. I took my reformations and some change of mind somewhat as salvation. But it's LEGALISM.
But Then around 6 months ago, God showed me that my priority is to be Saved. God showed me that I wasn't Saved, And was just living in legalism.

And so I started seeking the Lord for my Salvation.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 28, 2019 at 8:54am

Albin, I’ll say more later when I have more time. But honestly I feel this conversation is just going in circles. 

You need to repent and believe the gospel. It sounds like you already believe the gospel, so now you’re left with repentance. When you pray, be specific. God showed me years ago that I needed to repent from unbelief. That was really the key point. After that, as we learn and grow and let The Holy Spirit have His way, other things are shown to us bit by bit. Sanctification is a life long process. Sometimes it looks like one step forward and two steps back. God is merciful and gives us Grace. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect the moment we repent. Give it time. God’s never in a hurry. He just wants you. All of you. Resting in Him is the best place to be. Trust Him. 

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