All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
My story... (I have a question)
I was baptized as a baby. I was confirmed at a church in my pre-teen years.
While I went to church periodically - I never really "got it".
I was a rebellious teenager...and I have some serious sins.
I guess my first mistake was never reading the Bible growing up.
When I was a teenager - I partied hard. Wasn't very kind to this "temple" the Lord provided me with.
I was also promiscous and when I was 16 - I got pregnant...my parents insisted I marry the father.
I did and when I became a mom - I gave up partying - took my responsibilty very seriously (my daughter just turned 30 in August)...my husband at the time however did not. He just kept on partying.
When I was 17, my husband and I came home to PA from California (he was stationed in the Army in CA). I suspected that I was pregnant - but didn't tell my husband. We were at a party - and as a joke - he put 3 hits of LSD in my soda. I got terribly ill and vomitted all over the place. Only then did he admit what he did.
I was scared - and I ended up terminating the pregnancy. Something I have difficulty dealing with to this day...but I can not change what is done.
I gave birth again at 19 to a son who is 27 today and mentally disabled.
Shortly after his birth - I divorced my husband.
I remarried a few years later - I gave birth to another daughter and the marriage only lasted 3 years. Not sure if it was the age difference (he was 10 years older than I) but we fought every day - and he did not like my children from my previous marriage. I did not want my kids to have to suffer his wrath - and I divorce him.
I remarried yet again to my childhood sweethear - we did not have any children together - but we stayed married 14 years. Until we filed bankruptcy and my son got involved in drugs - things got horrible and I confided in my 27 year old married supervisor at work - I was 39. Looking back I think I was suffering severe mid-life crisis - but I ended up falling for my supervisor. I did not want to "cheat" on my husband - he didn't deserve it - so I left him. I had an 11 month affair with a married man.
Then I met my current husband Carleton. From the moment I met him - I knew he was "different". He did admit to me that he was a recovering addict, and that he suffered from type 1 diabetes and yet something about him told me that I finally found my "soulmate". Things were great for awhile - then his diabetes took a turn for the worst - and long story short - his doctors ended up getting him addicted to pain killers - and he was also drinking alcohol - and he changed into someone I didn't even know. I was about to leave - but something wouldn't let me go.
He ended up going into detox - and is currently clean & sober. So you think I would be happy right?
Wrong. I worried about him every minute when he first got out of rehab...and I was driving myself mad. I was so worried about him relapsing. My sister-in-law suggested Al-anon...when I went there - they suggested that I "Let go...and Let God"...
That night I went home and I prayed. I asked God to take the worry from me, I was putting my husband and his addiction in his hands. I asked him that he "please" not let me down.
The next day - without even knowing about my prayer - my husband suggested that we start attending church. I happily agreed. I felt it was "a sign from God".
A man at church...a stranger...offered to load us his Bible during a reading. It was a beautiful Bible and it had underlinings and highlights and handwritten notes. It was beautiful. My husband asked him where he got it because it also had big lettering. He handed the Bible to my husband and said "here...it's yours...take it...now you have no reason not to read it"...
I was moved to tears. This man could've given his Bible to anyone, a family member, a friend...but he chose to give it to my husband - a stranger.
I have been reading it ever since. We have been going to church every Sunday - and loving every minute of it...but the more I read of the Bible...the more I wonder...is it too late for me?
I have sinned a lot.
Is it possible for me to be forgiven.
I believe in God and Jesus. I believe that Jesus died for my sins...
But when I read the Bible...and I see that I have pretty much broken most of the commandments...
Really?...Can I too be saved???
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lori Ann Hoffman on
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Thanks - and the same to you sister.
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Permalink Reply by Rosemary Natasha on
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Dear Lori Ann
There is never a specific time or time limit when you can be forgiven. You can be the worst of sinners, but the moment you realise you've sinned enough and you want to put a full stop to it all, it is then you start searching for that last straw and do you know who stretches it out to you? Yes, its the Lord. He is the one who makes you fall on your knees and turn to Him finally. And then you start outpouring your heart and confessing your sins and crying out to Him. It is then the forgiving process really starts. You start feeling a change in you right as you get up from your knees. You feel that blessed peace and you instinctively know you are forgiven. You don't want to return to your old ways, you make an effort to do everything right, you don't want to hurt the Lord again. So to make it short, I just want to say that its never too late to be forgiven, nor is it too late to start reading the Bible. Its an ongoing process....the process of transformation. When you are completely forgiven by God you start transforming and this does not happen in a minute, its an ongoing process as I mentioned above and I think its the best thing that can happen to all of us born again children of God. None of us have been born pure, innocent or good. None of us can call ourselves saints. Many of us have just recently found God in the true sense. We are Christians by birth no doubt, but just nominal Christians, not true Christians. Its only when we accept Jesus Christ completely that we become TRUE CHRISTIANS or as it is said - born again Christians and once we achieve this status we have got to make a great effort to walk in His ways.
So cheer up Lori and continue reading the Bible, devour and digest it. Read the Psalms...they are very important and beutiful. Make it a point to pray at least twice a day and of course talk to God anytime anywhere anyhow and you see how He listens. Praise Him always in small things and big and thank Him, don't forget to do that always.
God Bless
Rosemary Natasha
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Thank you Rosemary Natasha,
I have done all the things you mentioned above - and you are right - I do feel a HUGE change!!! For the first time I feel "happy"...and I don't feel stressed. I have gotten many responses to my story - some that brought me to tears (in a good way) - some that really opened my eyes - but all good. I am so grateful for this website.
I think the Lord has forgiven me for my sins - now I just have to forgive myself. I am definitely a work in progress - but I am making BIG changes.
I do pray - a lot. I thank the Lord for all of the blessings in my life including my 3 amazing children and getting my loving sober husband back. I can not praise him (the Lord) enough. He has been so good to me once I let him in.
Thank you again Rosemary for your comments, wisdom and strenth - all of which I need to help me grow.
You are a true blessing and a friend.
God Bless You Always Sister,
Lori Ann
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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Lori,
Since you recognize taht you are a work in progress, the floowing is my life verse that reminds me of His part in that work:
PHP 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (NIV)
Lord BLess,
LT
TheNET Coordinator
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Absolutely right LT.
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Thank you for that Bible verse - I believe that...I believe that I am "finally" beginning to work the plan the Lord has in place for me. My plan is to do great things in him.
I am going to talk to my pastor about being baptized as this is very important to me. I feel that getting baptized (to me) as an adult that has found Christ and has dedicated my life to the Lord - will solidify my commitment to walk with him and my new life as a Christian.
Thank you again LT & Rosemary - I have been blessed with good teachers. :)
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