All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Is porn equal to committing adultery?
Porn is one of the highest addictions out there. I think it would be safe to say that it towers over all other addictions put together. I think it's because it's a matter of the thinking & in the mind. The other addictions has to put actions behind those thoughts for example: you think of drinking then you have to physically buy the alcohol to drink it & put that thought into action. The question I want to raise here is more specific. Jesus said that to look with lust is to commit adultery in your heart (Matthew 5:27, 28). Does this mean that a porn addiction can be equated with infidelity? And if it can, do you feel that could be viewed as legitimate grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32)?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Seek on
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LOL You stepped into this ...so what's divorce? With property division etc these days a divorce can last years til final even with no hope of reconciliation. Back then I think he just put her out.
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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The physical is secondary to the inner being. Divorce takes place long before a writ of divorce is issued. All the stuff may take years to finalize, but one knows when the relationship has been severed ... even if it is not of their own choosing and they seek to keep that which is dead alive. Of course that is my humble opinion. I have not walked those shoes, but have walked with people wearing them.
Lord BLess,
LT
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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I agree with LT. The very minute one steps outside the marriage, divorce happens is my belief.
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I'll admit you shocked me with that answer. I'm so used to people believing that if you have been drug through a divorce for 2 years and start dating, you've committed adultery.
Once one has moved out and they are no longer living as married, the courts, or parties, can drag things for many years over property settlements and just bickering, plus the slow moving process of the system and lawyers.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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Tammy,
I believe a divorce hasn't occurred the very minute one steps outside of marriage. We must look at this more seriously. In a moment of weakness, anyone could commit adultery. The act of adultery itself is not a divorce, neither is a porn addiction or a lustful fantasy. There is more to a marriage than just the sexual relationship but when sex has become the focus, or was the focus before two people even got married, then the marriage is in grave danger.
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This is a really good article. What's Good About Sex?
It's worth reading but the part that is specific to this discussion about porn addiction and what happens to an individual who's focus is only on sex for sex itself and how not having that true merging of two people who are married, which isn't just physical, but is spiritual, is portrayed in the following paragraphs and if we can begin to understand this truth, we can begin to understand why rape and sexual abuse are also very damaging, to the point of destroying one's capacity for intimacy:
Conjugal union is a true merging. They become a one-flesh unity—and I'm not just talking about their bodies.
When I say that I'm not just talking about their bodies, I mean that at every level, male and female were designed to complete each other. In sexual self-giving, the hearts and minds and spirits of the husband and wife cooperate with their bodies. They are united not just in their bodily dimension, but in every dimension.
This unity also helps prepare them to be parents, and the hope of children joins them in solidarity with every past and future generation.
Casual sex can't achieve that. It endlessly joins and severs, joins and severs. Imagine what it would be like to repeatedly tear off and reattach your arm. There would come a day when no earthly surgery would suffice; the reparative power of your body would be lost. It is the same when you repeatedly tear off and reattach your various sexual partners. Eventually they will all seem like strangers; you just won't feel anything. You will have destroyed your capacity for intimacy.
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Char,
There is an element here that I think is being overlooked and, in the case of porn, that element is very important. When someone's focus is on sex, the person's ability to experience a healthy sexual relationship is very incapacitated. The person is, in fact, separated from the other human being in the relationship. No amount of sexual activity can satisfy the person. Sex only brings a moment of relief, the same way a drug addict feels when they get their hands on their next fix and shoot up. Once the drug wears off, there is no relief until they take another dose. The images of porn actually replace actual sexual interactions for these people because they are not always able to get that interaction that they so desperately crave simply because another person isn't always available to them, or available as much as they "need to satisfy a craving" and, yes, IMO, this is equal to adultery. There is no emotional involvement. This could be why a man would neglect his wife and turn only to the porn or to other individuals, who like him, don't have any emotional involvement regarding sex. To him people have become only a means to satisfy a craving, an addiction. Such a person is very tormented.
I remember watching a long time ago an interview on TV of a pedophile. It was a documentary and the pedophile had voluntarily received castration as treatment. But he said it didn't help. He said his gratification came from what took place in his head when he had opportunity to look at child porn and he didn't even need to do the physical acts of molesting children. He only needed to watch others doing it or look at the pictures. That is still pedophilia. It was what was in his heart.
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I find the analogy between the porn and drug addictions very interesting for personal reasons. And I agree, that person is very tormented, but if they don't admit it to themselves, they can't admit it to anyone. And that leaves the spouse though still wondering, leave or stay. Especially if one is a saved person and going by the letter of the law that it must be adultery and trying to figure out if porn fits the definition of adultery.
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I, too, found the analogy interesting. Also, once they have gotten that "fix", with sex, it's a guilt like no other. You never want to do it again & you beat yourself up until that brain chemical, demons or whatever starts rolling again & you can't seem to kick it. It's a roller coaster.
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The analogy has helped me in my continuing process of healing from sexual abuse. Forgiveness and healing aren't the same things but forgiveness can be a part of healing. After forgiving someone, it is helpful to ask God to help you begin to see an offender in a new light and to help you bear the pain that another has caused in order to heal. But healing can take time. Understanding that an abuser is actually suffering very deeply and is in bondage, trying to see it from their perspective, can be enough to help you make the shift away from self blame. I didn't deserve to be harmed in that way. The abuser is still responsible for his choices even though he was suffering. He intended to exploit.
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