All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
I NEED SOME HUMOUR ... MY WEEK HAS BEEN ROUGH
SOME FOLKS NEED ALCOHOL, OR CIGARETTES, OR WORSE - DRUGS - TO RELAX... FORTUNATELY I ONLY NEED SOME GOOD HUMOUR... WELL I HOPE YOU FIND THIS GOOD OTHERWISE I WILL HAVE TO COME OVER AND TICKLE YOU
WIFE REPORTS MISSING HUSBAND... BUT SHE
IS NOT MISSING HER HUSBAND :) (SMILE)
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
MATH PROBLEM...
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
MODERN GRANDMA'S AS OPPOSED TO POST MODERN GRANDMA'S
Grandma Today
In the dim and distant past
When life's tempo wasn't so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.
When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she's in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma's off her rocker.
GETTING MUGGED
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT IT MADE ME SMILE.... I REALIZED THAT I MUST NOT BE OVERLY ANXIOUS IF ONE OR TWO PEOPLE ARE NOT "CONTENT" WITH ME... BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME AND MY LOVED ONES ARE CONTENT WITH ME "JUST AS I AM"...
THIS MAY NOT BRING WEALTH OR LIMELIGHT BUT IT BRINGS CONSOLATION AND PEACE....
Success comes when you are content with yourself, when your activities bring contentment, and when GOD and everyone else is content with you.
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
WIFE REPORTS MISSING HUSBAND... BUT SHE
IS NOT MISSING HER HUSBAND :) (SMILE)
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
MATH PROBLEM...
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
MODERN GRANDMA'S AS OPPOSED TO POST MODERN GRANDMA'S
Grandma Today
In the dim and distant past
When life's tempo wasn't so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.
When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she's in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma's off her rocker.
GETTING MUGGED
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT IT MADE ME SMILE.... I REALIZED THAT I MUST NOT BE OVERLY ANXIOUS IF ONE OR TWO PEOPLE ARE NOT "CONTENT" WITH ME... BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME AND MY LOVED ONES ARE CONTENT WITH ME "JUST AS I AM"...
THIS MAY NOT BRING WEALTH OR LIMELIGHT BUT IT BRINGS CONSOLATION AND PEACE....
Success comes when you are content with yourself, when your activities bring contentment, and when GOD and everyone else is content with you.
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
Views: 535
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Masaaki.T on
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This is what my E-mail friend's friend, who is teacher in Australia, taught in his 7th grade students. There are some Aussie English.
LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.（barbie is BBQ) LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute. （car is called "Ute" )HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.（tinnies＝beer） KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys. WINDOW:What you shut when the weather's cold. SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season. （mozzie ＝mosquito） BYTE: What mozzies do. MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do. （Townsvill is a name of town in state of queens land in Australia) CHIP: A bar snack. MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips. MODEM: What you did to the lawns. （MODEM=mow them（laugh）） LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps. SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.(K-Mart is the name of grocery store) MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed. MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up. WEB: What spiders make. WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah. SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go. CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go. UPGRADE: A steep hill. SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. USER: he neighbour who keeps borrowing things. NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net. INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go. NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net. ONLINE: Where you hang the washing. OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
God bless you! My God encourage and comfort you! In Jesus, Masaaki
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Permalink Reply by felixpadua on
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nice one, masaaki. i learned new words here -barbie and ute.
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Permalink Reply by Ramona P. Jacobsz on
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HI THERE
I THINK YOU GUYS ARE SO WITTY.... EVERY NOW AND THEN WE NEED SOME HUMOUR TO KEEP US GOING... AFTER ALL A SMILE IS THE LONGEST WORD - DID YOU KNOW THAT ??? THERE IS A MILE BETWEEN THE TWO "S'.....
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
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Permalink Reply by Jeanette B on
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Hey Felix, d'ya wanna know some more?? I'll tell ya tomorrow arvo!!
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yes, the more the better. thanks.
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Well, you'll have to wait... I'm hitting the sack!! 'night!!
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:-) Good one, mate!! :-)
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beautiful joke, may i borrow this please?
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Permalink Reply by The pilgrim on
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Hi i really love it, and enjoy reading this all........ thank you every one!!!!! who share here..... with a big smile.
May never luck reasone to smile all of u.
Remain blessed all.
With His love, ur sis.
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Permalink Reply by Ceazar Ryan B. Carbonell on
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Hi..I am smiling now..hehe thanks for the post!Godbless..continue to share a sense of humour to everyone!
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Hi I goofed up with my joke (smile).... I MEANT SMILES is the longest word - it has a mile between the two "s"... excuse - old age creeping up????? Nooooooo.... Just a blond moment! (and don't tell anybody but I am blond)...
The traffic lady pulls over the blond and asks for her driver's license. Blond asks "What does it look like?" Traffic lady (also blond) says: "It is a small little square thing with your picture on it"... The blond digs into her purse and finds her make-up mirror - and hands it to the Traffic lady.... Traffic lady looks at it and says : "Oh, sorry, you can go... I never realized that you are a Traffic lady too"....
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(Pardon me for this one... but I'm sure the ladies will appreciate this... I just received it in an email...)
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?
A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
'It is all really quite simple. .
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.'
They forgot the German bra.... Holtzemfromfloppen!
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