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I need an answer
My husband of 13 years is addicted to drugs. For the past 6 months, he has begun to stay gone all night at least 2 nights every week. He lies about where he is going, tries to hide his whereabouts, and what he is doing. He is texting and calling other females, when questioned, he just says it is business. He either buys from or sells drugs to these women. He says that there is nothing else going on. He told me to not worry at some point he will be home and I shouldn't sit up all night worrying about what he is doing and where he is. I love him, we have a family, have 3 children at home. He leaves the children home alone while I am at work, they are old enough now to be alone, they are ages 15, 13, and 10, but he spends no time with them. I do not want to end my marriage,I don't want my children to have a broken family. They know that something is wrong, but they aren't sure what it is. I have prayed for him to be healed from his addiction. But he does not want healing. He blames himself for his brothers death and claims that using drugs is the only way that he can get through the day. I have tried to tell him that I feel so lonely, I am always alone. He is gone all day and most of every night and all night at least 2 days a week. I eat alone, spend my time alone and most of the time sleep alone. He seems to think that my request of his changing his behavior is unreasonable and calls it mood swings because I get upset. How can I find peace and forgiveness and what should I do?
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Permalink Reply by Donna Layne on
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Dearest Denise:
Okay, my first suggestion is "Baker Act" him. Do u know what that is? That is when you call the police and tell them your husband is out of control and threatening suicide. They will come and get him and put him in a drug rehab or mental health clinic and no charges will be imposed on you or him.
I have sisters and a brother who have been doing crack for many many many years. My sisters lower themselves to prostitution to get crack. My brother steals. They are all a "rollodex" of lies. They say whatever they need to to get sympathy in any way shape or form. If any thing happens that they don't like or if i or my mother (whom they live with at 50 years old and older(they are that old, my brother is 44)) have anything negative to say about their actions they say that that upsets then and that is just another reason to go do more drugs. If you say nothing they go do more drugs anyway. They also are not "religious." But my brother knows the bible like the back of his hand and still thinks his thievery and drug habbits are just a okay. So, it is not the bible or bible knowledge that will save him. He must want to change and is wanting to change the Holy Ghost, left by Jesus when he asscended into heaven, will come into his heart and save him. But he must want it. God gives us all free will to make our own decisions and therefore we must make our own decisions. U did say he was/is not religious.
NOW HEAR THIS: Many don't know the way into heaven is this simple-----
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Denise, did the continuation of how easy it is to get to heaven go through or not. If not I will rewrite that ending to my response.
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The way into heaven is to believe that Jesus Christ, our Lord and SAVIOR died for our sins. Yes it is that simple. Just BELIEVING in Jesus gets us into heaven. We don't have to understand him although he would like us to try to understand him by reading his word. Just believe in him. Your husband needs to know this. Many don't want to believe it is that simple but it is true. We are so consumed in our own sins that we don't see the simplicity of it all. Read the Gospel of John. Actually that knowleldge is found all through the bible. He wants to carry the burden of His brothers death on his shoulders but it is not his burden to carrry. If we all tried to carry the burdens of the world on our shoulders it would crush and destroy us all. I think that he is just using the death as another excuse to do the drugs that have a stronghold on him. For a drug addict any excuse that will draw simpathy from others will do. As for the poor dog, dogs go to heaven too. So if the dog was sick he should be glad it is over for the dog.
DO NOT let him make you feel guilty. That is Satan trying to make you feel insecure and inferior. If Satan succeeds in making you feel guilty, insecure, and inferior than you have opened the door for Satan to come into your life and ruin you too. then the next thing we would hear is that he convinced you to join in on his drug addiction. I pray that does not happen. BAKER ACT HIM QUICKLY. Your poor children must feel like it is their fault that daddy doesn't come home. You know how children have a tendency to blame themselves for so many things that they are not in any way shape or form reponsible for. By the way----- how long have you been married? Are these children his children? Life is so hard and Satan, being the prince of this world, is continually trying to destroy us. Don't let yourself or your children be a trophy for Satan to put on his wall. I have always believed that when something does not work out (in your case your marriage to this man who is not like you) that something better is in your future. It is your choice to accept or deny this man. Only you can make the decision. If he is out all night with others hooked on meth, i would guess that the girls would do whatever they needed to to get more drugs, even sex or whatever to get what they want. I can't say that your husband is cheating on you but my guess would be he is. He will lie or whatever to stay in YOUR house and have a home. don't lose your home over this lost love. I assume that life will be hard or maybe life will become easier, who knows. I would talk to a preacher, pastor, or someone in the church in your area. Do you go to church now? Take your children to church. I may print some of this and take it to my pastor and see what he has to say. Also in my ignorance a long time ago i did meth one time, (i was immediately sorry for my decision) and i paced the floor for 4 days before i was free from the desire to do more. It was horrible. I never did it again.
My husband wants to add some suggestions so I am going to let him add his suggestions and then I will send this.
Hello, I am Donna's husband and want to make it clear that my viewpoint is much harsher
in its approach as is my wife's. I can not claim any special knowledge as well so take my words as only one persons opinion.
I do agree with prayer, faith and confession of Christ as the path. I first want you to know that whatever happens it is not your fault, he chose to be on hard drugs. They are very unforgiving. It is even possible he could die of an overdose or even suicide as no one is rational when addicted to such a terrible influence. Again, the pain will be real, but the blame is not yours, know God loves you all, that being said here are my thoughts.
The only hope you have for sanity and minimizing your and your family's pain is to reject the spirit, by this I mean tough love. First Baker ACT him, then tell Him you can no longer tolerate the affect of his actions on your family. That even though you do love him and want him to know God loves him as well and forgives us all for we are all sinners, you will leave him until he beats this addiction or stops choosing meth over his family. If he cannot break the addiction it may not be because he loves drugs more than you and family but all choices have consequences. The choice of him continuing the drug use will not lend you or your family to the life you deserve and have worked for. Sometimes it is difficult to see tough love as love, but as he is self destructing he will with or without tough love. So in my opinion, separating from him may save his life. If he furthur self destructs he would have anyway. Let him hit bottom, and let him know it is your prayer he comes back to you clean. It is also important that your children understand some actions are not easy to come back from, Crack, heroin, meth, and prescription addictions are terrible and many people do it once and never recover. I am truly heartbroken for you and yours, but have faith!! God will lead you through these times and if the tough decision does not work, he will also lead you to a better life in Jesus name.
Remember he is looking for an enabler, a way to allow him to continue. Before this approach I would make sure he cannot get to your finances or home equity to protect your children.. I would also tell him, in most states, that separation is for a year before divorce, please choose coming home clean at the end of that year with a job and clean life, if not you would prefer a divorce. if that doesn't bring him back he never will. You also may allow him to visit if he is not under the influence, I think if you do decide to meet, it is in a public place, a restaurant, a movie theater..don't let him home without a real long term change. Make him prove he is changing, with obvious change.
One thing that may ease the pain is get involved with a ministry where you can try to help others before they make the wrong decisions, turn the negative into a positive, and love the Lord!!!
Blessings forever in Christ!!
John
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Thank you David, Donna and John. You have given me so much to think about and so many hard decisions I know that must be made. You are all right. I just pray that God will give me the strength and the wisdom to get through this. I am not going to give into drugs, I was taught that they are wrong, and after 13 years, my husband has never asked me to participate, I don't think that he would, I think that he is proud of the fact that I am not a participant, and does not want me to ever be. Of course, that makes for a lot of lonely nights because birds of a feather flock together, and I am at home being the good wife and mother to my children. As for the insecurity and the guilt, yes, I have had them both. I feel so insecure, I feel as though I could lose him to younger, prettier girls, and it bothers me. I am afraid of the fact that he may be cheating on me, and I dwell on those thoughts continually. It is hard to break this cycle. I do not want to have to face these problems, but I also do not want my family to be broken and my marriage to be over. We have three children, two of my older children are from a previous marriage, but my husband and I have been together since my oldest daughter was 2 years old, and my middle child was 9 weeks. He is the only father that my children have ever known. My finances are secure, and my home. My home was a gift from my parents to me and my children and he can't touch it. He has never tried to ever take money or anything from me or the children. This is so hard, and I am not sure that I am strong enough to handle all of this on my own. That is why I have reached out to God, he is the only one that can help me. Thank you for your advice and your prayers. God Bless and please do not forget to say a prayer for my family. We need it desperately!
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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Denise -
You have asked us to help you. You have been given good counsel, now is up to you to bring about a change beloved. We feel for you and know that is not easy, but it has been done by thousands before you and they have survive it, some families did not even know the Lord. You can do this beloved. You have the Lord and our prayers.
The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not telling you, not to love your husband, we are telling you, to Love him the only way we have seen a positive change come about in such situations. God can and wants to work miracles, but you have to remove the stone.
Remember when Jesus was going to raised Lazarus from the dead, He asked the folks there to remove the stone.
Well He was about to do a powerful miracle, but He wanted the people to do what they could. They needed to obey, take the step of faith, and then (HALLELUJAH) THE LORD WAS GOING TO TAKE OVER.
Love you sis!
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Donna and John -
Great advise! The Lord bless your marriage as you shine together as one for Our Lord.
Love you both with the love of Christ
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Thank you Nancy, that was beautiful. I needed that! God Bless You My Friend! Please continue to pray for me and my family!
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As I have began to go through and look at all of my discussions, I found this. It is 3 years old, but that same old problem is still hanging on. My husband did get better for a short period of time, now he is right back at it all again. Just like 3 years ago. He desperately needs prayer to be healed from his addictions, and my children and I most certainly need prayers to deal with all of this. Please pray that God will deliver us from this bondage and that he have his will in our lives. Pray that the devil and his demons be removed from our home. Thank you and God Bless
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