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I Lost My Virginity Before I Was Saved?
I was saved when I was 18 years old. I started having sex when I was 16. After being saved, I fell a few more times in very weak moments when I was getting the hang of being a Christian. Now, I am 20 and very strong in my faith. I am dating a man who is also a very strong Christian and I know he has saved himself for marriage. Though we are very interested in one another, he doesn't know that I'm not a virgin.
It breaks my heart that I cannot be the wife that any Christian man deserves. I am ashamed of my shortcomings, but there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I need to be able to forgive myself.
When would be the appropriate time to tell him? Does he have a right to be upset or to not want to go out with me anymore? Should I only date men who have fallen in sexual sin, too? Do you have any general advice for this situation?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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I would pray for God's help in telling him. It also sounds like you still need to finish grieving the loss of your virginity since you have stated you need to be able to forgive yourself, and part of grieving is reaching a stage of acceptance and peace. Perhaps he will grieve this loss as well, but that doesn't mean he won't understand your pain or won't forgive you for something that God has forgiven you. All of us have sinned, and I don't see why we should exclude people from our lives based on their past sins, especially when those sins are under the blood of Jesus if the person has confessed and repented. What we are instructed to do, biblically, is to marry only believers. If this relationship doesn't work out, then, by all means, only choose to date a believer.
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Permalink Reply by Richard L. Broch, Sr. on
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Hi Lindsey,
Welcome to AAG.
Seems to me.......that the sexual urge is the strongest, most powerful physical driving force in our bodies, and can cause the most perplexing problems and questions possible. And this sex situation has been around a long, long time.
We can look way back in the Bible.....Exodus, Chapter 20, The 10 Commandments, 7th Commandment: Thou shalt not commit adultery.....this involves married people - which does not involve you.
Then there are some sundry laws pertaining to various aspects of a girl losing her virginity in Deuteronomy, Chapter 22......
none of which pertain to you.
Finally, in John 8:1-11, Jesus dealt with a situation of a girl caught in the act of adultery, and the religious leaders wanted to stone her. After He called them out, she was left standing alone. He did not condemn her, and told her ," Go your way. From now on, sin no more".
Lindsey, the Lord has forgiven you........whoever else that respects the Lord must also forgive you......AND, you must once and for all...forgive yourself.
We all have shortcomings.......................................
You will know the best time to tell him. We don't know his reaction. Yes, he might be hurt, mad, bewildered, and confused. He might need some time away to let it settle in, deal with it, and accept it.
Depending on his love........he will come to you with open arms and forgive you. Then you will have a clear conscience.
I'll be praying for you in your decision and outcome.
Grace and Peace.
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Permalink Reply by Lucas Bicknell on
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"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart"
I don't know, I have heard some people claim that this verse means both unmarried and married individuals can commit adultery.
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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In a relationship, honesty & trust make up some of the strongest qualities. If this young man really cares about you, he won't care about your past especially considering that he is a Christian. I do feel you need to allow him to make that choice though. You need to be upfront with him. He sounds like an awesome man to have saved himself for his wife. You don't want to get so close to him & then confront him with this because it will break his heart. Yes, you should tell him & allow the Lord to do His work in the situation.
You asked if he had the right to get upset & I'm going to say yes. I'm sure he is going to be very disappointed but love conquers all. Trust him enough to tell him & trust the Lord enough to know He's in control.
As far as dating men who have had sex - if this relationship does not work out, you need the Lord to lead you to a Christian man. Regardless of his past mistakes, he as well as yourself are perfect in Christ. The sins are gone as far as the east is from the west. Allow the Lord to lead you to your Prince Charming & the rest will fall into place. Continue in your strength in the Lord always giving Him the glory for whatever He brings into your life. And who knows, you may already have your Prince Charming now but he does deserve to know.
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Tammy,
Good word.........
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Permalink Reply by geminisandiego on
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whoa! Mr. Fitzpatrick! uh....i absolutely do not understand, sir, what you mean by fashions accentuating female body parts. i mean females come with body parts. i'm not going to dress like an orthodox amish woman. i think wearing the latest trends (tasteful) is absolutely okay. it's intent to act coupled with what we wear, not just what we wear. i wear shorts in the summer fall and winter because i live in san diego, ca, where it's always hot/very warm, lol. if someone has impure thoughts about my choice of attire, too bad. anyway....God bless :)
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Permalink Reply by Mary O on
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Hi Lindsey, God bless you!
We all do things that we aren't proud of before we got saved, your boyfriend included. You put him up on a pedestal. IMO, it is better to talk about it soon. You don't want to grow in love with dishonesty hanging over your relationship. Then it isn't love. Please no one jump on this, but it's just sex. True the Bible says it's sin to have sex outside of marriage. But it's something you did before you were saved. God has forgiven you. Jesus isn't condemning you. Your boyfriend has no business condemning you if Jesus isn't condemning you. And the same for you. Please don't condemn yourself for something you did when you were unsaved. Jesus isn't condemning you. You have been forgiven. Romans 8 is a good read.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
Love,
Mary
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This is a tough one. First of all, we are all fallen by nature so all of us have/had areas of sin in our life and no sin is worse than another. Therefore, you are not alone with your struggle with sexual purity. I think it's awesome you've committed to God's ways now by saving sex for marriage alone. If you're getting serious with your boyfriend I would tell him as soon as you can about your background. He deserves to know your history so he doesn't feel like you are being dishonest in any way. Hard to say how he'll respond to the news. It could be a deal breaker for him or he may feel like it doesn't matter since you're both committed to purity now. Regarding your last question, I think the main focus should be on dating another believer who is also committed to purity, regardless of their background. Here's a great article I recently found on the top things to look for in a Christian mate....hope you find it helpful. http://www.christiancrush.com/relationships/christian-soul-mate.html
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Permalink Reply by Justin McCarroll on
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We have all sinned before we err saved
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And we also do so as saved Christians, Jesus asks us to repent daily. You should tell him soon. No matter the outcome, only GOD can judge us. You are in my Sister of Christ
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