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Honor thy Father and Mother
What do you feel this verse means in terms of parents who are neglectful or abusive of their children?
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Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on
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Hi Sis,
Thank you for missing me and a big hug to you too today ( smile). You are saying we must be honest with parents if we have parents that are not treating us right. What if parents don't respect their children's honesty and consider it talking back or being disrespectful? Then what?
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Will read your Wikipedia article first chance I get. I'm just getting started on studying this issue. I am currently ministering to a Christian young lady age 15 who is very discouraged. She has to continually fight depression as her parents ignore her needs to be heard and to provide normal needs/rewards that a girl her age should have, speak very disrespectfully to her, make her work excessively, put way too much responsibility on her etc. She says her parents are like kids who have not grown up themselves and are very unbalanced acting towards her. They do work hard so the family has a stable home, food to eat, bills paid. But their whole life is consumed with this, so they are very stressed all the time and take their frustrations out on the kids, especially her. Her mom is a Christian but her step dad is not. There are even deeper problems, but for now this explains the family enough. The thing that is hardest for her is the fact that she is a very sweet, loving daughter who is respectful and has done everything she can to be helpful and thoughtful, but she says her parents never seem to acknowledge her for all the good she does. They just take her love and service for granted. Naturally, she feels horrible as there is no end to this sour existence day in and day out. It broke my heart to hear her say that she has no hope of ever having a good relationship with her parents, so she is just going to be respectful and obey them until she is old enough to live on her own and have as little to do with them as possible.
Well I'm sure scenarios like this have gone on since the beginning of time. As I said, this is a loving daughter, but the news is full of stories of children who are not as strong as this young lady who get into drugs and crime etc. and despite this girl not participating in anything like that, it is so heartbreaking that her life is wasted away each day. She needs answers on how she can stop smothering and find ways to release the futility she feels. She is crushed knowing she may never have a normal relationship with her parents and her brothers and sisters are very unhappy and aimless. She feels her whole childhood was lost and the future looks bleak in that she will have to go out into the world without parents who love and support her. I am praying about practical steps she can take to deal with her life now and have a future.
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She has been praying for her parents for years as she is a godly girl and has the right attitude. The hardest part of her ordeal is she has very little privacy or time for herself. She doesn't feel well a lot, because with her parents being out of balance in the way they treat her, she is constantly made to feel stressed like them. Her situation reminds me of the story of Cinderella. She even gets blamed for things when she is the good one. I'm praying about how she can be at peace in a situation like this. Recently, God has done an amazing thing through her. First of all, you know how most girls become attracted to boys and that is all they can think of? Well her focus is totally on God and how she can know Him more intimately. She does not have the desire that most girls have to find Mr. Right, get married and have children. And she is talented in a number of ways and God is using writing for her to express all the ways that He want her to honor Him. He is giving her very godly poetry and having her praise Him in the Spirit and with words He gives her in song. It's very amazing and I somehow think there are other things He wants for her as far as ways to be free in the midst of her suffering.
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Char,
Yes I agree this is a good point about prayer. Usually when believers need to pray the most that's when they pray the least. We forget the power of our prayers to allow God to act in our behalf. I think of those who say they believe yet reject the Baptism of the HS. If they only knew that when one prays in the Spirit it is God praying the perfect prayers through us, surely they would not reject the Spirit then. And one can pray in the Spirit without ones mind being engaged in a lot of instances like you mentioned. So when in the midst of turmoil Spirit-filled prayer is our greatest weapon. And you are also right that God will either set us free or allow us to keep going through bad situations to teach us something. Think of Christians who are persecuted around the world, imprisoned for their faith- I am trying to put myself in their position to think how they cope with inadequate food, absence of physical comforts, beatings etc etc. How would we handle that if we were in their position. I think of cases in the news of children and young women in the news who have been kidnapped and/or so severely violated that they can barely cling to life ( and not just girls and women, boys and men too), I am thinking of all these scenarios, because one thing I guess one could say is it could be a lot worse. Of course pain is pain and if one has unloving parents that is a severe pain that wipes out a child's sense of personhood and being. With this alone a child can feel hopeless, depressed and suicidal. But still, it might be possible for the child to reason that their life is bad, but it could be even worse which would give him a glimmer of hope not to give up. I am trying to think of what possible positive thoughts or moments of peace a child can hold onto when in a situation like this. If a child knows God as this girl does that can make a big difference. I am trying to think of more ways she can hold onto God. Those of us who know the Lord have all had those hold onto God moments. Maybe we look up at the sky and the sun is shining and we take that as a sign that God is with us. Or a beautiful red bird lands on a tree and its like the little bird is saying God sent me to make you smile. I said all this to say, there has to be ways that God comforts us in our suffering. And there has to be ways that we act bigger then the person satan is persecuting us through, not returning evil for evil. I've heard so many accounts lately of defenseless children who satan is systemically destroying from their earliest days of life, you know you think how could anyone harm an innocent baby or toddler, but it's everywhere. I so thank God that this dear girl knows the Lord and has a chance to survive her loveless, hectic life. For one thing she is not alone- there are girls and boys everywhere who are in her exact same position. I just know I am going to keep praying and studying everything I can to find more answers for her on how to survive through suffering. God allows it to teach us how to fully rely on Him and to be more attuned to the peace He wants to give us. All His children must go through suffering from one degree to another. It makes us more compassionate to actually reach out to others when we have know suffering. We realize that we are not in this world to please ourselves, but to be used of God to bring others to Him. I know these are all valid reasons for why God allows suffering. Also we learn to never treat ppl as we have been treated if we have endured suffering. One of the biggest lessons is to walk in forgiveness towards those who have hurt and abused us. I saw a show the other day of a man who went to prison for many yrs for murdering a minister and his wife. Years later, the children who were now grown, were able to connect with this man face to face and tell him they forgave him when it happened and they forgive him now, because their parents always taught them forgiveness and that's what they would of wanted. The man told them how sorry he was at what he had done and they told him that they believed him and knew he was not in his right mind when he took their parents lives. They went up to him and hugged him. You know, it seems like this is one of the biggest tests of being a believer. Can we truly love our enemy. So even with children, I guess God allows them to go through the worst things to bring them to the point where they will one day have the choice to forgive and love despite horrendous deprivation such as in parents who are not there for them or any of the other heartbreaking scenarios that can happen to them. I guess the greatest defense against the attacks of the enemy that we go through in life as early as childhood, is to have more love and peace in ones heart then the situations that are sent to destroy us and to always say as Jesus said, Father forgive them for they know not what they do. We have to learn that life in reality is not about desiring the best parents, the best this or the best that- rather its about being the best we can be to bring in God's Kingdom always walking in forgiveness and love, thus we would be victorious over anything the devil could throw at us. How I pray that I can help this dear girl to rise above her circumstances.
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Sounds like this young lady is doing what she should do...staying focused on Christ. She needs to be encouraged in this focus.
She has 3 years to endure with her parents. What about her biological father? What about other relatives?
God is looking out for this child.
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Amen, Char, regarding " Practical steps for now..."
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Permalink Reply by a servant (Chris) on
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Jane
As with so many things where God and His Commands for us, they are not based on the other person, as much as they are for us. To look at it this way, God is telling us to Honor our parents. When we do this we are also giving Honor to Him through our obedience. To respect the person, and not their actions, can be easier said then done. Yet, when we can see that we are able to, honor the position and not the actions of those people. We are told to walk in Love, when we obey this command in Honor to God then, the benefits are far reaching. Rom 5:3-5...We know that suffering creates endurance, endurance creates character, and character creates confidence. We're not ashamed to have this confidence, because God's love has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. So even when one's parents are not as they should be, or in many times not even close. We gain so much more when we are obedient to God. It is to Him that all the Glory goes. Yet, in due time we will hear those words, "Well, done My good and faithful servant."
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Amen, Chris.
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Chris,
I agree with your point, so it would help me greatly if you could give me several specific examples of neglectful or abusive situations a child might be in with disturbed parents and how the child should handle it.
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Jane
As not knowing many things about a specific situation, I will do what I can. It would depend upon the age of the child. On the degree of the neglectful or abuse that is going on. Obviously, if the parents need to be spoken to by another or even authorities. With special attention going to the point that, more harm should Not go to the child, from those actions. Again depending on the age, a child who desires to honor their parents, has a knowledge of God one might think. So, as I am sure they have already done, first Pray. Then Pray with others who can stand in agreement with them. I will place this on my list. Then to talk to their parents, and share with them how they desire to not only Honor God, but they want to honor them also. Much can be done by Holy Ghost, through not only Prayer but, the example of living a life for Christ. To try extra hard when it gets bad, to do their best to hold their tongue and attitudes, winning them over to Jesus through Love. To make sure they have someone to talk to and share what they are going through. Not just someone older, but also close to their age. Both, I believe have purpose and strength. To have an outlet, physical activities as well as maybe expressing the hard times through art of some kind. That may sound a little silly but, I believe it can be a very positive way to express emotions. And, maybe letting them know many of these things might be preparing them to help or even save another, at some other time. I hope these were helpful, as I said not knowing different parts can make some of these not as effective. But, as I said I will start to Pray.
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The Bible doesn't say honor thy father and mother if they treat you with love and respect. They should be honored regardless of how they treat you.
When you try to categorize verses in the Bible, as to how certain situations should be handled, you are changing the Word of God and you are using a legalizing approach to what God says. You are saying God's Word isn't complete or it's in error. God will take care of the *what ifs*.
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Rita,
Likewise, I agree that one should never do what you have stated here. So, can you also give me some specific examples of how a child who lives with severe neglect and abuse is to honor parents?
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