Frustrated don't see things getting better.

Since January 20th I have been jobless,I have worked here and there,cussed out by guy at former political party when I made errors at construction job in his office on scaffold and at his house outside landscaping truth was I was uninterested in that type of work. Since I was 16 all I have done was general labor type of work blue collar,I am now 44 turning 45 in December. I want a career I enjoy doing ministries,politics,writer,sports and photography all hold my interests. Haven't seen my counselor in weeks. Pastor at one church offered me bible studies he's only teached twice the other 5 times he's either cancelled or ignored me there's something wrong with that all within a week. There is language barrier there predominately Spanish speaking with some English services. Another church never got back in touch with me even when I said I wanted to become member. I always contacted them never them contacting me and I left. I have faced discrimination on everything being black,male,many tattoos and for my birthday being in December late in the year,only 10 % people ever sympathized or understood that. My mom and grandma dead,not close to rest of family,haven't seen my dad since I was 8 or 9,last talked on phone 10 yrs ago. Divorced,no kids,live alone in an apartment in a rather bad neighborhood. I'm guilty of wanting revenge,unforgiveness,anger,impatience and lust. Not everything is my fault other people are guilty too just won't admit they're wrong. Careless,selfish,judgemental and materialistic the ways of many people. Satan is laughing his behind off at all the misery occuring,Jesus and God taking forever to solve fallen humanity it's been thousands of years now. Here for a purpose,God put you here for a purpose,God has a purpose for you,there's a reason why you're here. That doesn't cheer me up year in and year out same old stuff. Wish dad had wore condom,mom birth control or mom had an abortion with me then I would have went to heaven. Now I hope to get to heaven life's hard don't want hell enough of that on earth or Christ return. Since childhood have been misunderstood seldom understood,faced hostility all angles family included. I AM SO SICK OF THIS !