Forgiveness (What is it really?)

I've read so many thoughts on forgiveness.  Many people quote Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.  Some say this means you need to go and personally forgive someone who has wronged you.  Some say by using the word "brother", this is speaking of Christians and not those who are unsaved. 

I read this verse where someone added in parenthesis: that thy brother hath ought against thee (or vice versa)...Really?  Is that what this says?

Now forgiveness is vital cause if we don't forgive, God won't forgive us. I've often said I believe when Jesus said we're to forgive 70 x 7, that it wasn't just meaning we forgive every time.  There is scripture that says we're to do just that - Luke 17:3-4 “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.  Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

But then we forgive and forgive and yet the hurt keeps cropping up and we ask ourselves...HAVE I forgiven, really forgiven?  Corrie Ten Boom, who probably had more to forgive than any of us here might ever face, wrote:

I recall the time, some 15 years ago, when some Christian friends whom I loved and trusted did something which hurt me. You would have thought that, having forgiven the Nazi guard, this would have been child's play. It wasn't. For weeks I seethed inside. But at last I asked God again to work His miracle in me. And again it happened: First the cold-blooded decision to obey, then the flood of joy and peace. I had forgiven my friends; I was restored to my Father.

Then why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, hashing over the whole affair again? My friends! I thought. People I loved! If it had been strangers, I wouldn't have minded so.

I sat up and switched on the light. "Father, I thought it was all forgiven! Please help me to do it!"

But the next night I woke up again. The negative thoughts returned. They'd talked so sweetly too! Never a hint of what they were planning. "Father!" I cried in alarm. "Help me!"

His help came in the form of a kindly pastor to whom I confessed my failure after two sleepless weeks. "Up in that church tower, " he said, nodding out the window, "is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First ding then dong. Slower and slower until there's a final dong and it stops.

"I believe the same thing is true of forgiveness. When we forgive someone, we take our hand off the rope. But if we've been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn't be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for a while. They're just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down."

And so it proved to be. There were a few more midnight reverberations, a couple of dings when the subject came up in my conversation. But the force--which was my willingness in the matter--had gone out of them. They came less and less often and at last stopped altogether.

But going back to Matthew 5:23-24, I believe this to mean exactly what it states:  If you remember your brother has something against you, to go and be reconciled.  And this because one book later, Mark 11:25 teaches us:  And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

If we have something against someone we're to forgive, we're not told to go and be reconciled...they may not want reconciliation.  They may not even believer there's anything to reconcile. 

Scripture tells us to be wise and discerning.  How many have tried to follow well meaning advice to go and tell someone who hurt them that they forgive them, just to have that person be offended in believing they had nothing to be forgiven for?  If we're to try to keep peace with everyone, how would this be peaceful?  Isn't that stirring up strife?  It seems to me it would be pushing the hurt in the person's face.  I mean....I just wanted you to know that you hurt me really bad, but I forgive you!???

When WE hurt others, I believe this is where Matthew is teaching us to let them know we're sorry.  It's then their place to accept the apology or not. 

But isn't a silent forgiveness of the person or the hurt to God often the better course of action when you are dealing with someone who has hurt you?  Especially if it is purposeful, continuing, or there is a refusal to acknowledge they've done wrong?