When going to the eye doctor, he told me I had astigmatism that effects my eyesight. He told me that, that was the reason for my headaches. I asked him exactly what that meant, and he replied with "you see everything distorted, but because that's all you've ever known, it is normal for you to see this way." He went on to tell me I have cat like eyes (funny thing is, they are very green w/yellow) and if I didn't wear glasses it could get worse.
Right then and there, I finally had the perfect title for my book. "Distorted"
See for me, I have noticed that when I see something that should be a normal occurrence, it can look much different to me. For example, there can be something I see, hear, smell ect, and to me it has a negative past experience attached to it, but to someone else it is just normal. Even a kind gesture has sometimes led me to believe that the person has a motive behind it. I do not ask people for help because I have had to do things myself. People say its being proud, but I say "no, its being prepared." I also have never liked surprises because I feel if I know whats going on I have control. Some people say I am controlling, but I say "no, I'm being prepared."
I say all this to say...everyday I am reminded of my past. Everyday something triggers a negative thought or feeling I am not able to shake.
So I am saying, I am so very tired of it! I have decided that I am letting go of more of the "I's" and replacing them for more "you's"
So....What do you all do to stop this? If you can't, is it something that will prevent me from going to heaven?
There...I asked for help from you:)
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Smells trigger my past. Some hair sprays smell like alcohol & when I use the hair spray, it just starts clicking. Hearing certain music triggers it as well. 99.999% of the time I listen to nothing but Christian but there are those times you're in a store or something & they have that background music going. It triggers my past as well.
Tammy,
Hey girl, thanks for sharing. I get the same triggers out of a certain type of hairspray. That is so weird. Well at least I can relate to someone:)
Winter
I thought I was strange. I've heard of people hearing music & it triggering things but nice to know others smell things too. LOLOL
I suppose the big question is are there spiritual meanings to our diseases? We have to be careful here because of all the new age ideas and teachings out there, chakra and those types of things that distort the authentic truths found only in the Scriptures. Could those suffering from addictions really be running away from themselves, not knowing how to love self or face fear? Could those with high blood pressure really have emotional problems that are still unsolved and those with cancer have deep hurts still eating at them and those with heart problems see life as a heart ache and those with astigmatism have fear of seeing the reality of self with warts and all?
I am getting far sighted. Does it mean I fear the present and don't feel safe here and now?
It seems we are triune beings with body, spirit, and soul, and it does appear that it is all connected somehow -- the emotional, physical, and spiritual.
Amanda,
It's funny you should say that, because I know a lot of people with heart disease like myself, that deal with anger. Most of the people I know to be angry, are really hurt. They display anger, because it is an easier outlet, and you don't feel so vulnerable. Laughter is a medicine, and tears let out a lot of pain. But I hate to cry and do so rarely.
I love the book of Psalms because of the love David had for the Lord. Despite how wicked he could be,(like us all) God called David a man after his own heart.
"I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after my own heart, who will do all of my will" Acts 13:22.
Psalms 56
8. You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
9. Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call;
This I know, that God is for me.
1o. In God, whose word I praise,
In the LORD, whose word I praise,
11. In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
12. Your vows are binding upon me, O God;
I will render thank offerings to You.
13. For You have delivered my soul from death,
Indeed my feet from stumbling,
So that I may walk before God
In the light of the living.
I think we all fall short, especially me! I have thought there might be a broken record in heaven of me asking the Lord to "Please forgive me, please forgive me." I feel like it is playing over and over and over again. I realize when I am really hurting, and feel like God has given up on me, I can look to the examples of His Word and all the truths and get the help I need. After all it is my own personal road map with everything I will ever need right.
I read about David and only hope, that I can be a woman after God's own heart.
Many follow Jesus because they want something from Him. I think He gets tired of that. John 6:26. He wants us to seek Him. Yes. But He wants us to seek Him and not seek what He will provide or give or what blessing He will bestow, a specific answer to a prayer, or some material gain. He just wants us to love Him. So being after His heart is a good thing IMO. Do we want Jesus? I don't seek things or blessings anymore. I wanted healing so much. I can't want it anymore. I seek Him.
Amanda,
I agree with you. I also asked for a healing and desperately want one..I sometimes say that maybe I have what I have to keep my eyes on God. This could be a wrong way of thinking but that is how I feel. I do not know all the right things to say, and sometimes I think it is better to not say anything than pretend to know what another person is going through so I will say this..I will pray for you Amanda. I am here for you in any way I can be.
Winter
However, doesn't he tell us to make our prayers & supplications to Him? Isn't that usually a desire of something? He tells us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. Aren't our cares desires as well? James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. That's telling us to ask for something. Matthew 7:7 ”Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Jesus asked that the cup be passed from Him. I think we should always seek Him first as you said but a Father wants to give His children good things. I don't think anything is wrong with asking.
I love the chorus to the song by the Whisnants - There must be a better yes
You never pray a prayer; your Father will not answer
He can’t ignore His child’s earnest request
While you’re waiting and believing
For what you thought was best
Trust God if He says no….. You’re still blessed
There must be a greater yes
This could make for a good discussion.
It's not wrong to pray and ask. But we should examine our motive. Do we look to Jesus for what He provides or do we want to learn to love Him and could we say if He never does another thing for us, then we will stay in His Word and still love Him for what He has already done for us? Of course, many are seeking things and wanting blessings and promises and that is their goal. Matthew 6:33. I just don't want that to be my goal anymore.
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