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Abusive spouse

I recently spoke to someone who had stayed with an abusive spouse because they believed they should because God commands it, or perhaps it was that He prefers it. I told them that I feel the church has done more harm in teaching this.

OK so we know that God hates divorce. But He also knows our weaknesses and so He allowed divorce in certain circumstances. There's been discussion on being unequally yoked and people seem to think it means not to marry an unbeliever but if already married they should remain together. Sometimes people point to 1 Corinthians 7, specifically:

If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

I was listening to Scripture this morning and heard something in this passage that caused me to stop the playback and take a closer look. Then in looking at the entire chapter, I realized some things that I really hadn't noticed before.

Now none of this means I feel people should run out and divorce. But neither should anyone subject themselves to abuse based on erroneous teaching. While all Scripture is useful, there are things to note.

1 Corinthians 71 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

OK let's stop here. Paul is allowed, or permitted, to say these things but God never commanded it of people. But there's good advice here. But he continues with the thought...

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

People usually point out that this part is Paul's preference. That he was speaking of his thoughts on this and not God speaking. But we continue...

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

So here we go...PAUL'S preference. And he specifically let us know that God did not say this. And he spoke only of the unbelieving spouse, not the abusive one. We can address slaves or servants in a similar context. As Paul continues, he mentions this.

20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.

Again, we are quick to point out that God never condoned slavery. Why think He condoned abuse simply because Paul was speaking his own feelings on all of this. Then we get to...

28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Paul still speaking his thoughts, not God's, states marriage isn't a sin. And he was never claiming any of this chapter to be a sin because God did not command it.

So telling people they sin if they divorce an abuser is NOT what God has said.

And I speak this...not God. ;-)

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 12, 2016 at 3:04pm
If what we conclude about a bible passage is based on a set of ideas that we already have about the truth - or our philosophy- then that is Eisegesis, an interpretation of Scripture that expresses the interpreter's own ideas, bias,or the like, rather than the meaning of the text.
Permalink Reply by JB on February 12, 2016 at 8:39pm

I'm sorry as well Amanda, I will not try to convince you of anything that is not my intentions. We just express what we “think” we know about a subject, and let our "philosophies" do the judging for us. Lol

JB

Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 13, 2016 at 7:36am
JB,
We're talking about the Word of God and seeking to find the true meaning that God is conveying. In this discussion, we've been looking at 1 Cor 7 as well as the commandment Thou shalt not commit adultery and other Scriptures, such as what Jesus taught about divorce. In my most recent comment, I mentioned 1 John 1:9, (which is a conditional statement due to the word "if" in it) and when studying Scriptures, it is tempting to bring preconceived ideas into our conclusions of the meaning. As Matthew Slick at carm.org has said, "We should always be ready to have our understanding of the Bible challenged by what it says. If we are not willing, then we are prideful. And God is distant from the proud (Psalm 138:6)."

Yes, we all have opinions and points of view and share what we think. But when it comes to interpreting the scriptures, we aren't just sharing what we think or declaring our own ideas (it's ok to talk about our thoughts and ideas and get them out there in the light and look at them to expose them and see if they're right or wrong) but we need the guidance of Holy Spirit and we pray for accurate understanding, not only on what it means but on how to apply it. When we are living by the Word of God, we aren't living by a philosophy (by ideas about the truth) but by the Way and the Truth and the Life!

Exegesis means “exposition or explanation.” There is something called hermeneutics and biblical exegesis which involves the examination of a particular text of scripture in order to properly interpret it is one of the processes of hermeneutics. It involves looking at grammar, syntax, setting, and several other things. You've probably heard of exegesis and eisegesis, right?

So, no! We aren't to let our philosophies do the judging (interpreting) for us! No! No! No!
Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 13, 2016 at 3:20pm

Eric,

1Co 7:12-15 NIV84 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Paul says "I say this (I, not the Lord)"... Even with this declaration we know that as it is recorded in Scripture by Paul (inspired by the Holy Spirit) is clearing teaching that marriage between a believer and unbeliever is still a marriage as seen with the use of the words "wife" and "husband" in the text. 

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 13, 2016 at 4:56pm

The only conditions listed in Scripture for remarrying is death and adultery.

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 13, 2016 at 6:29pm

If one follows only what is written in the Word of God we find that one may qualify for divorce, but never qualify to remarry. From a human standpoint this might seem harsh or unfair, but, again, if we go on what is written and leave emotion out of the equation we find in the Word of God that the only two reasons to allow remarriage is death and adultery.

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