All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Dealing with the Death/Loss of a Loved One
I am not sure how to begin this topic. I have never had to really deal with this type of loss. My grandmother, whom i loved, died when i was a young child....but i still was too young to have truly known her!
I feel led to begin this topic...I'm not sure why. I don't know what to say to someone who has experienced this type of loss, or how to minister to them. I welcome all thoughts and experiences.
I feel led to begin this topic...I'm not sure why. I don't know what to say to someone who has experienced this type of loss, or how to minister to them. I welcome all thoughts and experiences.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ron Payne on
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Dear Carla,
People who lose a loved one, all behave differently. People who respond have the task of consoling their friend or relative. This can be an awesome task and usually leaves one with a feeling of helplessness.
The following depends on how close you are to the family or friend. Gene and I have found that for us, the best way is to visit and offer our condolences. Don't say much and if he or she wishes to talk, encourage it. Gene usually get's started with taking over the chores of tea should visitors come while we are there.
Gently find out what still has to be done regarding any arrangements. Listen for areas where you can fill in with help, transport, provisions, assist with friends and relatives, after funeral arrangements, eats, shopping etc.
Days leading up to the service, find the loveliest bunch of flowers and have it sent to the house.
What am I saying.......? Be as helpful and as friendly as the occassion will allow without being pushy.
The days that follow are as important to show that your love and concern was not a one day wonder. Follow it up with visits but take care not to be a nuisance with a long tiresome visit. Imbed the thought that you can be relied on for help.
Three to four weeks later - Your visits will give an indication when - arrange a group lunch with her/his friends to get the person out of the house and to be encouraged to remain in a social inviroment.
I am certain that you are able to prepare to give Christian support by way of prayers and answers to the big question that normally follows from those who have lost a loved one: WHY?"
Above all ask the Lord to prepare you and give you wisdom in whatever is required.
Your Brother and Friend in Christ - Ron.
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Permalink Reply by DEBRA on
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I LOST MY DAD IN 74 AND MY GRANDDAD ONE MONTH LATER 74. I LOST MY MOM THIS JAN OF 2008 24. GOD HAS GIVEN ME THAT PEACE THAT SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING THAT ONLY HE CAN GIVE. HE IS MY STRENGHTH AND THE VERY BREATHE THATI BREATHE.I MISS HER ALOT BECAUSE WHEN I NMEEDED SOMEONE TO JUST LISTEN SHE WAS THERE BUT I KNOW THAT SHE IS RESTING INTHE ARMS OF JESUS. I THANK GOD FOR THE TIME THAT WE HAD TOGETHER SHE WAS 82 YRS YOUNG .JESUS IS ALL I NEED. SISTER IN CHRIST DS
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Permalink Reply by Pastor Bob B on
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I have lost my mom and my sister-in-law both within 3 weeks of each other and their memorial services were my moms on Sat and then Nancy's on Sun Apr. 26th, 27th.
It was easier to deal with because they both knew the Lord.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is; the thought that I have to finish my race of faith without them. My mom taught me to make right choices in our hardships in life and was a living example of how God can cause everything to work out for the good for those who love God.
Nancy was also one of my closes friends and I will miss her Godly counsel and also her prayers.
I also have to deal with all the family members who are hurting, including my children, my brothers, and sisters and especially my brother-in-law Dean who was such an example of Christ in caring for his wife in the hospital for over 4 months 6 days a week coming home for 1 night a week to take care of things and right back to the hospital to be with his wife.. He did every thing for her including bed bathing her. It was a true love story of how a Godly man is to love his wife in sickness and in health, until death due us part.
Grief is like waves of the sea; it comes in and goes out. I am grieving today as I am writing these words. I feel confident in my relationship with God and find great comfort in so many different ways. Some say we need to get over it and get on with your life.
I do not believe this an appropriate response to grief; it is more like going forth in your life in spite of the loss. Some people who are married for 50 or 60 years can not do this and usually will pass away within months of the loss of the other spouse. I have seen this happen a number of times over the years and even recently.
The worst thing that can happen is that no one is allowed to go through the grief process. We all go through stages of grief when we face losses in our lives such as a child going off to collage, or moving away from home, loss of a job, divorce, etc. We need to understand that there will be denial, bargaining, anger, guilt, loneliness, despair; sooner or later we work toward acceptance.
How should you as a Christian deal with those who are facing loss?
Be like Job’s friends before they opened their mouths, just be with them, word are not necessary, Grieving people have all kind of words going on in their heads, like a bee hive that has been stirred up. It is harder to help those dealing with grief on a net like this. I think sending scripture or graphics or writing out prayers can help.
Weep with those who weep; assure them that you love them. Let them talk it out.
My Pastor let me just vent with him.
My brother-in-law has just been telling his story and each time He weeps and we weep with him.
Every kind note or card I received helped as they came day by day. It helps the grieving person not to feel so alone.
I have shared a lot because it is so fresh with me. My prayer is that it will help some one who is facing a loss. God will give grace and help in our times of sorrow as he does with every other need we have.
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Permalink Reply by MaryAnn on
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Grief is the normal reaction of human beings to the loss of something significant in their lives such as a person, an object, a limb, a relationship, a meaningful pursuit and so forth. It is also perfectly normal and acceptable for spirit-filled believers to grieve. Receiving prayer is a stepping stone in the healing process. Even though Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus, Jesus stood outside the tomb and wept (John 11:35-36)
Grief is a healthy process of adjustment that enables us to heal, grow and move forward in life. Grief can however become an unhealthy thing if it is unusually intensified, prolonged, delayed or if it results in bondage. Those who have studied grieving people suggest anywhere from one to three years as a normal span of time in which to grieve.
The Bible nowhere forbids us to grieve. It records the grief of a number of godly people, Abraham, Jacob, David.
(Genesis 23:2; Genesis 37:34-35; 2 Samuel 18:31-33).
The Bible gives a new meaning to grief, because of the hope we have through the work of Jesus Christ. We are to sorrow, but not as those who have no hope. We can take comfort in the fact that God will one day resurrect all the believing dead (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).
The Bible also gives us comfort and encouragement by showing us the future of the believer beyond this life. Paul said that those who are absent from the body are now present with the Lord. (2 Corinthians 5:1-8).
The Bible tells us of a loving God who is the ‘Father of Mercies and God of all Comfort’ (2 Corinthians 1:3) It promises us that He will sustain support and comfort those who mourn. (Psalm 30:11; Isaiah 61:1-3; Matthew 5:4).
Hopefully this is helpful to someone.
In HIS Service, MaryAnn
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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I attended a family wedding last night..The family of my biological father. While I was there I found out he died June 22 2008 of lung cancer.
I forgave my father for his abuse towards me in my childhood..which he was imprisoned for --it was a life sentence. Two years ago (about the time of this original post) God put him on my heart to pray for him for his salvation..my mom was also praying at that time. Today I asked God for peace over his death... and I believe that he is with Jesus in heaven. God comforted me with these words spoken to my heart 'Beloved, he is with me'. I have hope that he repented and is with the Lord.
I'm sad over his death and loss of life while he was still on earth...Eternal Life is much longer, and Our God, who is the Only True God is merciful and forgiving when we turn to Him and Repent. I am hopeful that he repented and believed.
...just thought I'd share this.
Blessings, Carla
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Permalink Reply by angels and demons on
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my goodness carla how did you get over this i havnt got over my abuse at the hands of my ex hubby
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Clair,
God will help you to forgive (as per our conversation in the other forum) ;-)
His Love will help you overcome.
Blessings sis..
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thank you carla, youre a lovely person.
God bless you
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Permalink Reply by shannon on
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Hello, Death is tragic and it is something we all have to face. I suppose death is a hard challenge because it is something that is so little understood. Most of us Christians do not understand the reason for death and why Jesus had to ultimately die on the cross for our sins. If He died then why do we still have to endure death?To most that doesn't make sense.
Death is so final, in the sense that it seems to have the last say. It takes away and gives no reason. We who are left behind have to struggle through the issue of letting go, and when we don't understand our belief in totality it can cause many more questions such as what if my loved one isn't saved? What if they aren't in heaven, where are they? Will I see them again? What has happened to them?
Because of these unanswered questions, most of us left to grieve feel helpless, and internalize the questions onto us, to blame ourselves. Some feel it unfair they have been abandoned by God, and some feel that it was wrong for God to take their loved ones away instead of them.
Death cannot take our love because death takes away the physical aspect of man, and does not take away man's spirit. The emotional aspect of who we are death cannot touch.
I have suggested to others that maybe writing a letter and allowing the letter to part this earth through some cerimonial means to help direct the spirit into healing has been a right of passage for some.
Death tries to force us into choice. It tries to force us into something we don't want to endure and give up and death seems to havethe final say.
Everyone grieves in their own timing and their own way, and death tries to steal our digniy and freedom with have in our faith and belief in Christ.
I have had many people come to me in confusion and pain and mistakenly accuse and blame God. God has big shoulders, but the actuality is that He has nothing to do with death, and His word tells us that death comes to every man. This is small consellation, but understanding through biblical wisdom can help shift the grieving process into healing through freedom.
Knowledge is power, and we were not left alone to deal with this dibilitiating subject.
Death is an effect of sin, and through our deaths in this life that come through natural means, we glorify Christ. Death has a purpose, and God has a plan for you to help you recover from death, in this life and in the next.
Death does not have the final say, the final word is always Gods.
I have podcasts on blogtalk ' dealing with death' this may be able to help you in discovering a deeper meaning and healing into what death is really all about.
http://shannongilmour.webs.com
( I have an ebook called 'dealing with death' and also a published book 'Persistent Grace' )
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Shannon thanks for sharing your insights with us on death. I know from experience that loss of a loved one is so hard to endure. I can only imagine how painful it is when it is your husband or wife. I know God gives special grace to us when we need it. I hope that we can learn to console others in their time of loss and not just hope they will get over it. We never really get over it, we just get through it and learn to live with it.
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Permalink Reply by Gianni Bilancia on
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I am sorry for your losses Carla. I can say that when it comes to this, be comforting, compassionate and caring and understanding and put yourself in their shoes. What would you want done by others , how would you like to be treated and just do that. In times like that people need comfort and reassurance of love. God is the one who will help and bless the person . Pray for them always and their family. Be there for them , even if it means talking, eating, praying together, watching a movie . Sometimes just taking a walk and showing compassion means so much. I lost my parents , I know what it feels like . But I know they are in heaven. God bless you Carla, Gianni
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