Infidelity

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on October 15, 2008 at 4:21pm

Brother,

I could be wrong, but sense that there is more to this than is revealed. Such a question usually comes from a deep hurt. Lies are never good and never serve to comfort, for in the end they only bring distrust and destruction, especially within the boundaries of a relationship. Marriage is not successful because one pretends. Marriage is successful when both parties work hard at unity and operate in an atmosphere of trust. Trust once broken is hard to recover, but it can be recovered if both parties work to restore it. One's heart breaks even more when they try hard and their partner does not. There is no easy answer, but one must always seek to live in the light of truth and not in the shadow of lies.

Lord Bless,
LT

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Dong E on October 15, 2008 at 8:26pm

Brother LT,

Yes...i do agree to you on all you've said but I want you to comment on this brother, do you believe "Owning up is totally destructive." Honesty is all very well, but not at the price of your partner's trust and peace of mind.

Dong

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on October 15, 2008 at 8:40pm

Owning up should not be destructive, but the first step towards healing. The problem is that it requires both sides to work towards that healing. To leave it in the dark does not cause the problem to go away. There is guilt that will be associated with leaving it in the dark, both over the sin and the covering it up. Solid relationships require honesty, an honesty that is willing to reveal the flaws and sins.

If one leaves it in the dark, are they really leaving it there to protect their partner's trust and peace of mind, or simply not to have to face the consequences of bad choices? The actions break the trust because one is not trustworthy because of that action, at least in that one moment and time. Trust requires time to earn and/or rebuild. Trust is not a given and can be lost.

Lord Bless,
LT

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Dong E on October 15, 2008 at 9:54pm

Brother LT,

Thanks brother....but I still have some questions...please have patience on me. Do you believe there is a time when Good People have affairs? Because they are good people, how does it affect their behavior? Do they feel guilty of what they've done hurting people they care about?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on October 16, 2008 at 2:49am

Ask as many questios as you need to. We here, your brothers ansd sisters in Christ, on AAG will do our best to help and try to answer your questions. I believe the Bible teaches us that "Good people" still sin, that is people who have experienced salvation. One of those sins might be an affair. This does not make it right or justify the sin. I believe the wrong two people in the wrong place at the wrong time are in danger of falling. That is why we need to see the signs and flee. If one does fail and fall to the temptation and sin then we must realize that their behavior very well is likely to change. Sin, unrepnetant sin, changes us. A true believer will experience guilt regarding sin, that is the work of the Holy Spirit. One must also recognize that God can and does forgive us and cleanse us when we ask for forgiveness (1 Jn. 1:9). I believe that such a sin causes more damage than others, because it has a direct effect on one's relationship with another person, their spouse. If one is guilty they must cease the sinful relationship immediately! Ask for forgiveness from God. How or if they approach their spouse is a debatable issue. I think that the full healing requires addressing the failure and asking for forgiveness. Can one recover and keep the sin secret if they stop the affair? I believe that there will be a partial healing. The guilt will still persisits to a degree, but may not destroy you mentally or emotionally, but will be a heavy scar.

Lord Bless,
LT

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Dong E on October 16, 2008 at 11:32pm

Tnx very much brother LT for all your thoughts and answers too my questions. May the Lord always Bless you and grant you more wisdom for you to share to people like me and the rest of our brothers and sisters.

• ▶ Reply