HAVE YOU FORGIVEN YOUR SPOUSE?

HAVE YOU FORGIVEN YOUR SPOUSE?

"Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our
debtors...For if you forgive men when they sin against you,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not
forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your
sins." Matthew 6:12,14-15

How are you doing in forgiving your spouse? We receive so many
email and letters where the hurting, wounded stander is harboring
unforgiveness. Are you? Today I want to discuss the next
hindrance which is unforgiveness which can be a large hindrance
in receiving answers to your prayers.

"Me, forgive my spouse? Look at what they are still doing! What
about my children? My spouse is destroying our family? Look at
my finances, my home, and look at me! What about my feelings? I
hurt so much. When is this going to end? Me, forgive my spouse
when they keep on sinning?"

Does that sound like you or one of your family members or co-
workers? How many times do you have to forgive your spouse or
the other person or someone else whom you have been holding a
grudge for possibly years for what they have done to you or to a
family member? Let's look at what the Lord teaches us:

"Then Peter came to Jesus and ask, "Lord how many times shall I
forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered," I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven
times." Matthew 18:21-22

I know it is "not" easy to forgive others when they are hurting
you and causing you pain. They may be verbally abusive to you or
saying horrible things about you to others. You may have to sell
your home, or in some instances, you may have had to split up
your children or you are not able to even see them. Your
children have become victims regardless of your circumstances.
Divorce destroys more than just the marriage. It destroys and
hurts many family members, including other people who has admired
or respected you as a couple.

Your natural flesh would like to speak ungodly words back to your
spouse, or get even with them in regard to all their evil
accusations and threats. In fact, you may have lost control more
than once in an argument. What should you do? Let's read the
Word of God and apply it to your life and to your circumstances.
What did Jesus do when this happened to Him?

"But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for
doing wrong, and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good
and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you
were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an
example, that you should follow in his steps. "He committed no
sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled
their insults at him, he did not retaliate, when he suffered,
he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who
judges justly." I Peter 2:20-23

What is unforgiveness? Unforgiveness is an emotion that consists
of resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, anger and fear.
These emotions are in a person because of a transgression that
has wounded them psychologically or physically. Unforgiveness
can consume your heart like a cancer. Beware! It can destroy
you, even as a Christian and you may not even be aware of what
has happened. Your anger or bitterness can be blocking answers
to your prayers!

You may already know of a loved one who has never forgiven
someone and they have become a very angry, bitter person. We
know of marriages that had marriage problems due to the fact that
one spouse had been harboring unforgiveness since childhood.
Regardless of the act that was done so many years ago, your Lord
can set you, the innocent victim free if you will choose to
forgive that person and let go and let God deal with the other
person totally.

Forgiveness is both an act and a process. It is like canceling a
debt. It takes only one to forgive. You can have your heart
touched and transformed by having experienced God's love and
forgiveness regarding a person that has wounded or hurt you
terribly. When you forgive the person that has hurt, wounded or
has abused you today or years ago, be sure you realize that
forgiveness is not letting the offender "off the hook," but an
act of releasing the offender from your hook and putting them on
God's hook for Him to deal with justly.

What do you need to do? First, release each offense and the
offender into the hands of God. Choose every day to forgive your
spouse (or another person or family members, just as an example)
and allow the Lord to take over in your life and in theirs. It
is a choice that you are choosing to forgive your spouse and
giving them daily or more frequently to your Lord. Do not allow
unforgiveness to turn into bitterness and unresolved anger. Our
Lord God teaches these principles of truth in His Word.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and
slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and
compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

Because of your marriage problems, separation or divorce, you
have been wounded, hurt, insulted, betrayed and rejected by your
spouse. That is the same person you made a vow, a covenant
before God to love "in sickness and in health, for better or
worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part." When you
married, you both spoke making a love commitment forever. In
fact, many couples take pre-marital classes ahead of time to
learn about loving each other on good days and on bad days--now
you need to love your spouse forever.

You and your spouse did not know or understand that there is an
enemy who is out to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) every
marriage by tempting spouses to fall into sin. Just imagine if
we, the church would apply all these scriptures to our lives, how
many marriages, husband and wife relationships and other
relationships would be restored because they are doing what Jesus
and the Bible teaches us. What a shame for so many professing
Christians who do not have enough faith or fear of God to work
out their marriage problem. "Is anything too hard for the
LORD?" Genesis 18:14. If you will choose to forgive your spouse
daily, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and choose to love your
spouse unconditionally, you will be giving the enemy a huge black
eye!

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive
whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive
as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on
love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12-14

I pray that you will study and reread this scripture in
Colossians. Imagine if every married couple would apply these
principles to their marriage, what the Lord could do in
resurrecting so many dead marriages around the world! Will you
choose to forgive your spouse and ask the Lord to change both of
your hearts?

I believe that many marriages are not restored because the
wounded mate has not forgiven their prodigal spouse. Do you know
how many Christian women or men will not forgive their spouse who
has been a selfish, self-centered, domineering, or hard-to-live-
with husband or wife for years? When the wife or husband reaches
their limit, they tell their spouse, "I want a divorce." No
reasoning or repentance will change their heart or mind. May I
ask you, "What would Jesus do?" What does Jesus tell us to do in
the scriptures? I know that so many marriages that could be
restored this very week, if husbands or wives will forgive their
husband or wife and choose to start rebuilding their marriage by
applying forgiveness and unconditional love in their marriage
every day!

Have you truly forgiven your beloved spouse or is there someone
else you need to forgive? Will you be able to forgive the past
when your beloved spouse returns? (Yes, you will. I know that
personally!) May I remind you that as a Christian, "forgiveness
is not optional." It is required by our Lord. You must continue
this principle even after your marriage is restored. Remember,
what the Lord said on the cross at Calvary:

"Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for them, for they do not
know what they are doing..." Luke 23:34

Right now examine your heart and be honest before the Lord. Ask
Him if you are harboring unforgiveness with your spouse or
others. He will reveal the truth to you. Then confess your sin
and repent to the Lord. Forgive your spouse and possibly others
right now. Wait and see what the Lord will do when you truly
have forgiven your spouse down deep in your heart!

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against
anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive
you your sins." Mark 11:25-26

Homework:
Look up additional scriptures: Mark 11:22-25; Matthew 18:21-35;
Hebrews 12:15; I Peter 3:9-12,14,17-18.

God bless,